Alright, folks, it's time to get real and by real I mean say all the things that parents are REALLY grateful for and not just say I love my family, my kids and my cat. I wrote a little thank you on my surrogate blog a few weeks ago, but since posting that I have thought of a few more things that deserve some thanks. Here goes.
1. I'm thankful for microwave ovens. Yes, I know that there is more and more research about how heating plastic in the microwave causes all sorts of health problems. And yes, changing the light bulb in the microwave is more complex than Sandra Bullock getting home in Gravity. But let's face it, when you have two screaming kids there is nothing better than nuking some mac-n-cheese in a ceramic bowl in two minutes. Lord knows how our parents endured our screams waiting for the water to boil, cooking the pasta, melting the cheese, etc. The microwave also makes pretty good cookies and cakes in a mug for Daddy on those days when his stress level is high from hearing screams.
2. I'm thankful for Costco. Kids need so much stuff. If you can't find it at Costco, you probably don't need it. We get cheap diapers, organic milk, year-round blueberries, toys, clothes and more from there. Sometimes, for those extra long days of parenthood, we also buy some booze for Daddy!
3. I'm thankful for TiVo and Netflix. I know the Powers That Be in the pediatric community say no TV until at least two years old. I did really, really, really well with that for a long time. At about 18 months or so I came to the conclusion that out of the 50 or so hours I spend with the boys awake each week it really is OK to turn on Barney for 20 minutes once a week. The guilt that I am rotting their minds and causing ADHD lessens after 5 minutes when, for the first time in hours, I finally get to sit and zone out for a couple minutes.
4. I'm thankful for Facebook. It's true, Facebook steals our pictures, hoards our personal information and watches us like we're contestants on Big Brother but it also gives me a pseudo-connection to the outside world when I'm stuck at home listening to The Bear Went Over The Mountain on replay for 7 hours straight. (Seriously...that's not made up. I actually heard that song for 7 hours one day.) Friends on Facebook give me great advice on car seat safety, recommendations on booster seats, where to bring my old baby clothes for tax deductions and, most importantly, links to really important articles like 31 Things No One Tells You About Becoming A Parent.
5. I'm thankful for Skype and Facetime. Even though reheating dinner in the microwave only takes a couple minutes, it's still great to have Grandma, Grandpa, Uncle M., or Aunt A. show up on video to distract the kids for a few minutes and stop pulling down my pants as I try to put food into (non-cancer causing) microwave safe dishes. More importantly, it's pretty cool that the boys know their family by face and not just a voice. The extended family can be a part of Aaron and Jeff's lives in a much stronger way. Everyone can see Jeff sneeze all over my hand or watch Aaron put puzzle pieces into the VCR. In some ways watching the boys through video is better than in real life: there is no way to smell when a diaper needs changing.
After going through surrogacy and having twins, this is the story of my life after fulfilling my dream to become a father.
Thursday, November 28, 2013
Friday, November 22, 2013
Parents vs. Non-Parents
When I saw kids throwing tantrums I used to wonder why some parents didn't try anything and everything to console their children. I couldn't imagine not trying to connect with that distressed little boy or girl. I would get mad at a parent who didn't try to calm a temper with a hug or some gentle words. Now, as a parent of kids who throw tantrums, I understand on a totally new level. There are times that I ignore all the screaming and flailing and kicking. I usually know when it's a real problem. If someone slips and bangs his head on a table, that's a problem. If someone can't get a 14th cracker in five minutes, that's not an emergency and I won't spend my precious energy trying to soothe a wounded soul. Yes, I know that to him 13 crackers isn't enough and it means the end of the world...but sometimes it's OK to not get what you want in life. I think at almost 20 months my boys are old enough to learn that lesson. So, over the last few months, I have slowly turned into one of those parents who doesn't jump through flaming hoops and cross shark infested waters to make sure my child never sheds a tear.
Derek and I recently took a trip to the east coast to visit my family. It was our second plane ride and the experience was a lot different than the first plane ride for a lot of reasons. I forgot to write about our first one because so much was happening at that time so let me go back in time for a minute...
The first plane trip was to the west coast for Christmas. The boys were about nine months old. Traveling with them was a lot of work just due to the fact that we had blankets, diapers, formula, strollers, car seats, extra clothes, pacifiers, toys, snacks, etc. Nevertheless, the flights there and back went pretty smoothly. Both boys slept a good deal of the time, pooped/peed a little (changing a diaper in an airplane bathroom really does look like a contortionist act!) and made friends with the sweet flight attendants. I found out one attendant had adopted two kids and she was so helpful always checking in on the boys, getting us milk and even cleaning our bottles after the boys had a drink. I was with Jeff on the way out and the cutest thing was that he fell asleep during the descent with his hand wrapped around a couple of my fingers.
This recent plane trip - about two months ago - was a little more chaotic. There was less poop but more screaming and wriggling around. Now that the boys are mobile and more energetic sitting for a few hours is practically impossible. Most of my pictures these days are blurry because they never stop moving.
Anyway, when we got to the airport to fly home from our recent trip on Thursday night our flight was delayed. As Derek talked with the woman at the check in desk - who clearly saw the kids and me with him - she was frantically checking her computer to see if there was any way to get us on an earlier flight. She checked a lot of things on her computer and twice got up from her desk to check some other things. She gave us friendly advice on the food situation before and after the security checkpoint and advised us to go to another gate after security to try to get on an earlier flight.
Our flight was soon canceled and we were re-booked for Friday morning. Our flight took off Friday without a hitch and when we were in the air I asked the flight attendant for a milk for the boys. She said she would go check. When she came back to me her answer was, "We only have one milk." I looked at her wondering why it wasn't in her hand and all she said was, "If you want anything else let me know." I wanted to scream back, "Sure, my 18 month old kids will take a beer and a diet Coke" but I just said there wasn't anything else she could do. About half an hour later I got stuck standing by the bathroom holding Jeff as the drink cart blocked me in. I stayed standing by the bathroom for about 10 minutes as they finished up drink service. Jeff is always happier being up high so I didn't bother trying to get back to my seat. The flight attendant moved her cart into the bay and didn't make eye contact with me or even ask me if I wanted a drink so I missed my opportunity to get my free soda.
Which people in these stories do I think has kids and which ones don't? Probably not too hard to figure out.
I was the second flight attendant not to long ago. I recently apologized to a friend for my cluelessness about life as a parent. I said I felt bad when I had told her a few years ago, "Let's go have lunch. You can bring your kid along. That's fine."
What I didn't realize is that getting out of the house with an infant/toddler requires planning that rivals invading a small country. You have to think about car seats, strollers, nap schedules, snacks on the way, what does the kid eat/not eat, how many diapers to bring, will I need toys, is this a kid friendly place, etc. "Bring your kid along" is much easier said than done.
I have started to understand why people with kids often are friends with people with kids. I have been yelled at for missing birthday parties, lunches, plays, and more from people who don't have kids. I have been told I disappointed people for cancelling plans due to a sick child or because I had good intentions to go out but wound up being too exhausted to get my shoes on and head out the door. On the flip side, I have had offers of help from people who have older kids and know what it's like to be dealing with babies and toddlers. One of the things that no one prepares you for in parenthood is how it strains friendships. On the plus side, it has bonded me with some friends who I haven't seen in a while who have young children too.
This is my apology, on record, to all the parents who have kids older than mine. I will no longer tell any parent to just make it work. And to anyone who knows a parent, understand that sometimes we can't just make it work. Who knows...in a few years I might just get a bunch of apologies when they join this crazy Parenthood Club.
Derek and I recently took a trip to the east coast to visit my family. It was our second plane ride and the experience was a lot different than the first plane ride for a lot of reasons. I forgot to write about our first one because so much was happening at that time so let me go back in time for a minute...
The first plane trip was to the west coast for Christmas. The boys were about nine months old. Traveling with them was a lot of work just due to the fact that we had blankets, diapers, formula, strollers, car seats, extra clothes, pacifiers, toys, snacks, etc. Nevertheless, the flights there and back went pretty smoothly. Both boys slept a good deal of the time, pooped/peed a little (changing a diaper in an airplane bathroom really does look like a contortionist act!) and made friends with the sweet flight attendants. I found out one attendant had adopted two kids and she was so helpful always checking in on the boys, getting us milk and even cleaning our bottles after the boys had a drink. I was with Jeff on the way out and the cutest thing was that he fell asleep during the descent with his hand wrapped around a couple of my fingers.
This recent plane trip - about two months ago - was a little more chaotic. There was less poop but more screaming and wriggling around. Now that the boys are mobile and more energetic sitting for a few hours is practically impossible. Most of my pictures these days are blurry because they never stop moving.
Anyway, when we got to the airport to fly home from our recent trip on Thursday night our flight was delayed. As Derek talked with the woman at the check in desk - who clearly saw the kids and me with him - she was frantically checking her computer to see if there was any way to get us on an earlier flight. She checked a lot of things on her computer and twice got up from her desk to check some other things. She gave us friendly advice on the food situation before and after the security checkpoint and advised us to go to another gate after security to try to get on an earlier flight.
Our flight was soon canceled and we were re-booked for Friday morning. Our flight took off Friday without a hitch and when we were in the air I asked the flight attendant for a milk for the boys. She said she would go check. When she came back to me her answer was, "We only have one milk." I looked at her wondering why it wasn't in her hand and all she said was, "If you want anything else let me know." I wanted to scream back, "Sure, my 18 month old kids will take a beer and a diet Coke" but I just said there wasn't anything else she could do. About half an hour later I got stuck standing by the bathroom holding Jeff as the drink cart blocked me in. I stayed standing by the bathroom for about 10 minutes as they finished up drink service. Jeff is always happier being up high so I didn't bother trying to get back to my seat. The flight attendant moved her cart into the bay and didn't make eye contact with me or even ask me if I wanted a drink so I missed my opportunity to get my free soda.
Which people in these stories do I think has kids and which ones don't? Probably not too hard to figure out.
I was the second flight attendant not to long ago. I recently apologized to a friend for my cluelessness about life as a parent. I said I felt bad when I had told her a few years ago, "Let's go have lunch. You can bring your kid along. That's fine."
What I didn't realize is that getting out of the house with an infant/toddler requires planning that rivals invading a small country. You have to think about car seats, strollers, nap schedules, snacks on the way, what does the kid eat/not eat, how many diapers to bring, will I need toys, is this a kid friendly place, etc. "Bring your kid along" is much easier said than done.
I have started to understand why people with kids often are friends with people with kids. I have been yelled at for missing birthday parties, lunches, plays, and more from people who don't have kids. I have been told I disappointed people for cancelling plans due to a sick child or because I had good intentions to go out but wound up being too exhausted to get my shoes on and head out the door. On the flip side, I have had offers of help from people who have older kids and know what it's like to be dealing with babies and toddlers. One of the things that no one prepares you for in parenthood is how it strains friendships. On the plus side, it has bonded me with some friends who I haven't seen in a while who have young children too.
This is my apology, on record, to all the parents who have kids older than mine. I will no longer tell any parent to just make it work. And to anyone who knows a parent, understand that sometimes we can't just make it work. Who knows...in a few years I might just get a bunch of apologies when they join this crazy Parenthood Club.
Friday, October 25, 2013
ASL and Language Development
By now almost everyone with a child has heard of "Baby Signs." It's really an amazing thing. If you are thinking about learning some signs, please do. I'll tell you a little bit about my kids.
I remember a few months ago being in the train station with the boys and Jeff started wailing for no known reason. Derek asked him what he wanted and he put one finger to his lips which is his sign for "water." We gave him his water bottle and he calmed down immediately. I remember saying to Derek, "Imagine how much more screaming there would be if he couldn't tell us what he wanted!"
Don't get me wrong, my kids are full of screams. My poor neighbors. I feel bad for them. At 7 a.m. and 7 p.m. (and many of the hours in between) our home often has at least one person screaming. Sometimes it's a baby...sometimes it's me.
The boys are 19 months now and so many things about their language fascinates me.
I remember a few months ago being in the train station with the boys and Jeff started wailing for no known reason. Derek asked him what he wanted and he put one finger to his lips which is his sign for "water." We gave him his water bottle and he calmed down immediately. I remember saying to Derek, "Imagine how much more screaming there would be if he couldn't tell us what he wanted!"
Don't get me wrong, my kids are full of screams. My poor neighbors. I feel bad for them. At 7 a.m. and 7 p.m. (and many of the hours in between) our home often has at least one person screaming. Sometimes it's a baby...sometimes it's me.
The boys are 19 months now and so many things about their language fascinates me.
- I love that they are starting to put two and three signs together. I get sentences like "Dad sleep" and "More banana please."
- The boys now hear me talking English and pick up on things even when I'm not talking to them. If I say things to another person like "I need to get a haircut" they will point to their hair or if I say I'll be going outside later they start signing "shoes" which is their way of getting ready to go out.
- Aaron kept trying to steal my glasses one day a few weeks ago. I signed that the glasses were mine and he can't take them about fifty times. By the next day he knew the sign for glasses. It amazed me that I could almost see the process of him learning new words!
- Over the last few weeks I have been able to ask the boys, "Do you want milk or water?" and they can always answer me clearly with signs.
- In September we were in the airport and there were three people in chairs two of who were asleep. Aaron kept pointing to the two who had their eyes closed and signed "sleep."
- Jeff can tell me when he wants me to get him socks, read a book, hear our Mickey Mouse doll sing, our Tigger doll to jump, and sit in his highchair.
- I recently was looking at a new book with some animals and both boys were able to sign most of the animals. It shocked me because the pictures were new and the pigs, cows, dogs, etc. didn't look exactly like the animals we saw in other books. They boys were able to identify the animals anyway.
- The boys are also extremely good with puzzles. I'm no expert in child development, but I think they started doing puzzles much earlier than average and I believe it has to do with the fact that they are learning a visual-spatial language. Regardless of the actual reason, I'm pretty impressed by their puzzle skills.
Wednesday, October 16, 2013
The Case of The Pee Pee Diaper
Remember those old Encyclopedia Brown mysteries that were popular when we were kids? Yesterday I became a sleuth like that boy detective. I figured out The Case of the Pee Pee Diaper.
The boys and I had a pretty good day yesterday. They took a long nap and woke up in a relatively good mood. I got them out of their cribs and managed to change their diapers before giving them a snack. Neither one of them put up much of a fuss getting his diaper changed.
We had a snack of yogurt and graham crackers. Aaron was supsicious of the yogurt and only wanted it after I ate some. I guess he thinks he's a king and I'm his beefeater who tests for poison. Jeff enjoyed his yogurt and got it all over his face and giggled in the usual Jeff fashion.
I asked the boys if they wanted me to set up their new toy - a big canvas bus - so they could run through it and pretend to drive. They nodded yes. Jeff grabbed a knob on a kitchen drawer like a steering wheel and pretended to drive by spinning the wheel. Adorable!
The boys ran through the bus, played the keyboard and threw some balls around the house for a while. I spent a few minutes checking emails on my phone, cleaning up the dishes from snack and putting away some toys.
Then I saw it. A diaper in the middle of the hallway.
Hmmm...what is going on? I had no idea how this diaper had suddenly appeared. I assumed one of the boys had pulled a clean diaper from a drawer and thrown it on the ground. When I picked it up I noticed that the diaper was filled with pee. I was so confused what had happened. Maybe it was from the lack of sleep. (Thanks to a sleepless boy *cough-Aaron-cough* I didn't get to bed utnil after 1:00 a.m. and I was up at 4:45 a.m.)
I threw away the diaper and didn't think much of it.
A little while later Jeff found a new game. He took one of his chairs and put a sippy cup filled with water on the chair. He would then tilt the chair to a side and watch the cup roll off and fall to the ground. This game, apparently, is fascinating to an 18 month old. It's also fascinating for an 18 month old to watch. So fascinating, in fact, that Aaron, after watching for a few minutes, had to join in. Aaron grabbed a chair and a sippy cup and started doing the same thing.
Sippy cups are pretty good about not spilling, but if the cup falls on the floor over and over again the stopper will come out. Jeff's stopper came out first and water spilled all over the floor. A minute or two later Aaron's stopper came out. I noticed that because his little, light grey sweatpants had a streak of wetness down one leg. Since there was only about an hour until pajama time it wasn't worth fighting him to change pants especially because this game was making him so happy.
We ate dinner a little late. Aaron and Jeff tried orzo for the first time. Jeff dug in and Aaron was suspicious for a while of this newfangled food. Aaron enjoyed the cheese on the orzo and eventually realized it was fun to mix his peas with his cheesey orzo. By the end of dinner there was nothing left in his bowl. Everything got into his tummy or had fallen into his lap.
Now, fellow sleuths, see if you can figure out what happened before continuing to read.
At about 6:30 it was time to change into pajamas. I changed Jeff first and put him into cute pirate pajamas and tried to teach him the sign for "pirate." When that was done I grabbed Aaron and pulled off his pants only to be surprised he had no diaper!!!
I believe Aaron managed to pull at the tape of his diaper enough to loosen or unfasten it. He then must have pulled the front part of diaper so hard that he got it through his legs and off his body. The wet streak on his right pant leg wasn't water from the sippy cup...it was pee. His right sock was wet too. Ugh!
After a quick "bath" with a few wipes he was good as new and wearing my favorite cowboy pajamas. This time, however, I made sure that the diaper tabs were on securely and the pajama pants were pulled up enough to cover the diaper completely. I wasn't going to take any chances.
The boys and I had a pretty good day yesterday. They took a long nap and woke up in a relatively good mood. I got them out of their cribs and managed to change their diapers before giving them a snack. Neither one of them put up much of a fuss getting his diaper changed.
We had a snack of yogurt and graham crackers. Aaron was supsicious of the yogurt and only wanted it after I ate some. I guess he thinks he's a king and I'm his beefeater who tests for poison. Jeff enjoyed his yogurt and got it all over his face and giggled in the usual Jeff fashion.
I asked the boys if they wanted me to set up their new toy - a big canvas bus - so they could run through it and pretend to drive. They nodded yes. Jeff grabbed a knob on a kitchen drawer like a steering wheel and pretended to drive by spinning the wheel. Adorable!
The boys ran through the bus, played the keyboard and threw some balls around the house for a while. I spent a few minutes checking emails on my phone, cleaning up the dishes from snack and putting away some toys.
Then I saw it. A diaper in the middle of the hallway.
Hmmm...what is going on? I had no idea how this diaper had suddenly appeared. I assumed one of the boys had pulled a clean diaper from a drawer and thrown it on the ground. When I picked it up I noticed that the diaper was filled with pee. I was so confused what had happened. Maybe it was from the lack of sleep. (Thanks to a sleepless boy *cough-Aaron-cough* I didn't get to bed utnil after 1:00 a.m. and I was up at 4:45 a.m.)
I threw away the diaper and didn't think much of it.
A little while later Jeff found a new game. He took one of his chairs and put a sippy cup filled with water on the chair. He would then tilt the chair to a side and watch the cup roll off and fall to the ground. This game, apparently, is fascinating to an 18 month old. It's also fascinating for an 18 month old to watch. So fascinating, in fact, that Aaron, after watching for a few minutes, had to join in. Aaron grabbed a chair and a sippy cup and started doing the same thing.
Sippy cups are pretty good about not spilling, but if the cup falls on the floor over and over again the stopper will come out. Jeff's stopper came out first and water spilled all over the floor. A minute or two later Aaron's stopper came out. I noticed that because his little, light grey sweatpants had a streak of wetness down one leg. Since there was only about an hour until pajama time it wasn't worth fighting him to change pants especially because this game was making him so happy.
We ate dinner a little late. Aaron and Jeff tried orzo for the first time. Jeff dug in and Aaron was suspicious for a while of this newfangled food. Aaron enjoyed the cheese on the orzo and eventually realized it was fun to mix his peas with his cheesey orzo. By the end of dinner there was nothing left in his bowl. Everything got into his tummy or had fallen into his lap.
Now, fellow sleuths, see if you can figure out what happened before continuing to read.
At about 6:30 it was time to change into pajamas. I changed Jeff first and put him into cute pirate pajamas and tried to teach him the sign for "pirate." When that was done I grabbed Aaron and pulled off his pants only to be surprised he had no diaper!!!
I believe Aaron managed to pull at the tape of his diaper enough to loosen or unfasten it. He then must have pulled the front part of diaper so hard that he got it through his legs and off his body. The wet streak on his right pant leg wasn't water from the sippy cup...it was pee. His right sock was wet too. Ugh!
After a quick "bath" with a few wipes he was good as new and wearing my favorite cowboy pajamas. This time, however, I made sure that the diaper tabs were on securely and the pajama pants were pulled up enough to cover the diaper completely. I wasn't going to take any chances.
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
Too Many Pictures
I wrote about all my pictures a while ago and after just 18 months I have too many pictures. My dream of having actual photographs for my kids to touch has just not come true. I have learned that Shutterfly is much faster, easier, and more practical than my lofty dream of beautiful photo albums with pictures I have printed and lovingly arranged in an album. Plus, Shutterfly books will probably last longer. My photo albums from 30 years ago are all faded and the pictures don't stick becasue the glue has dried. Hopefully I'll have a few special albums with actual pictures, but I think Shutterfly will be seeing a lot of my money over the years.
Also, I finally gave up and decided to just post my videos online. My goal was to find a way to load them onto a DVD and make a keepsake for my kids. Once again, reality took over and the internet won. At least now my family and friends can see the videos any time they want.
However, if anyone has a good method for keeping track of pictures and videos and not getting overwhelmed by them please, please, please share them with me. I'd love to have a good system. Thank goodness for Shutterfly and YouTube apps on phones...but other options would be appreciated.
I don't share a ton of pictures on this blog, but since this posting is about pictures and videos, I'll share a few of my favorites over the last 18 months. You know how families have some iconic photos that everyone knows? Well, here are some of the "famous" or "infamous" pictures in no particular order...
Also, I finally gave up and decided to just post my videos online. My goal was to find a way to load them onto a DVD and make a keepsake for my kids. Once again, reality took over and the internet won. At least now my family and friends can see the videos any time they want.
However, if anyone has a good method for keeping track of pictures and videos and not getting overwhelmed by them please, please, please share them with me. I'd love to have a good system. Thank goodness for Shutterfly and YouTube apps on phones...but other options would be appreciated.
I don't share a ton of pictures on this blog, but since this posting is about pictures and videos, I'll share a few of my favorites over the last 18 months. You know how families have some iconic photos that everyone knows? Well, here are some of the "famous" or "infamous" pictures in no particular order...
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Wednesday, September 25, 2013
Playground Culture
Aaron and Jeff are now old enough to go to the playground and enjoy more and more of the equipment. We've been going to the park for a while and they can do more than just sit in the swing. While we were in New York we went to the park once or even twice a day. I have to talk a little bit about what I call "Playground Culture."
I am a little saddened by some of the encounters I have had on the playground. My boys are only 18 months old and don't understand what they can and can't touch. Sometimes they look at another child's toy and point to it or try to touch it. On many occassions a young child yells "No! That's MINE!" I tell the boys that the toy isn't ours and explain to the older kids that my children are little and don't understand. The other kids sometimes give me a dirty look or run away to get away from my kids.
I know that children at the playground often don't want to share their toys with strangers. I get it. That's part of their development. What makes me sad is that their parents don't ever step in and tell the child not to yell at an 18 month old for just looking at their toy. I feel like that's a good time to teach kids it's OK to share and to be nice to kids who are younger.
In Chicago we did meet a wonderful mom and her daughter who was probably about two or three years old. My kids were fascinated by a little pail and shovel and the mom let my kids use the toys. She even walked away to play in another area of the playground and trusted us with her toys. In New York my boys were playing on a playground when a four and a half year old came along who was patient as my kids hesitated at the top of a big slide. The little boy waited, patiently, while my boys decided if they could conquer the twisty slide and was careful as he ran by them on the bridges. I got to talking with his mother and told her how respectful he was playing around two little boys.
As my kids grow up and become the bigger, rowdier, wilder kids I hope that I teach them to be kind to babies, share their toys with other children, and apologize if they mistreat someone. I can't expect them to be perfect all of the time, but I can try to teach them some lessons while on the playground.
I am a little saddened by some of the encounters I have had on the playground. My boys are only 18 months old and don't understand what they can and can't touch. Sometimes they look at another child's toy and point to it or try to touch it. On many occassions a young child yells "No! That's MINE!" I tell the boys that the toy isn't ours and explain to the older kids that my children are little and don't understand. The other kids sometimes give me a dirty look or run away to get away from my kids.
I know that children at the playground often don't want to share their toys with strangers. I get it. That's part of their development. What makes me sad is that their parents don't ever step in and tell the child not to yell at an 18 month old for just looking at their toy. I feel like that's a good time to teach kids it's OK to share and to be nice to kids who are younger.
In Chicago we did meet a wonderful mom and her daughter who was probably about two or three years old. My kids were fascinated by a little pail and shovel and the mom let my kids use the toys. She even walked away to play in another area of the playground and trusted us with her toys. In New York my boys were playing on a playground when a four and a half year old came along who was patient as my kids hesitated at the top of a big slide. The little boy waited, patiently, while my boys decided if they could conquer the twisty slide and was careful as he ran by them on the bridges. I got to talking with his mother and told her how respectful he was playing around two little boys.
As my kids grow up and become the bigger, rowdier, wilder kids I hope that I teach them to be kind to babies, share their toys with other children, and apologize if they mistreat someone. I can't expect them to be perfect all of the time, but I can try to teach them some lessons while on the playground.
Thursday, September 19, 2013
Pacifiers
Derek, Jeff, Aaron and I recently flew to the east coast to visit my family. This was the boys' second plane ride. I never wrote about the first one because it was during the holidays and life was so crazy so let me take you back to a simpler time, nine months ago, before the boys were mobile.
The first plane trip was to the west coast for Christmas. The boys were about nine months old. Traveling with them was a lot of work just due to the fact that we had blankets, diapers, formula, bottles, strollers, car seats, extra clothes, pacifiers, toys, snacks, etc. Nevertheless, the flights went pretty smoothly. Both boys slept a good deal of the time, pooped/peed a little (changing a diaper in an airplane bathroom really does look like a contortionist act!), and made friends with the sweet flight attendants. I was with Jeff on the way out and the cutest thing was that he fell asleep during the descent with his hand wrapped around a couple of my fingers.
This recent plane trip was a little -- ok, a lot -- more chaotic. There was less poop which was good. There was more screaming and wriggling around and the boys were pretty antsy too. (Ba dum bum.) Now that the boys are mobile and more energetic, sitting for a few hours is practically impossible. Most of my pictures these days are blurry because they never stop moving.
Back to the September plane ride now.
We arrived in NYC about 7:00 p.m. and the boys, who hadn't slept for at least six hours or so, were due for bed. By the time we got to my parents' place we were sure they would want to sleep, although we gave them a little time to get used to the new environment and people.. After a little while we tried to do our nightly routine of low lights, pajamas, a bottle and maybe a book or a song before bed. We gave them pacifiers and put them into their pack-and-plays.
WAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!
That's pretty much all I remember from that first night because it was so chaotic after that. My boys have never really liked going to bed and going to bed in a strange place with a strange bed made it so much harder.
So, long story short, throughout the week they did better and better with their new "beds" but still fought going to sleep quite a bit. Towards the end of the week they started to realize that a pacifier meant it was time for bed. As we would put them in their pack-and-plays, they would rip the pacifiers from their mouths and throw them to the ground as a show of 17 month old defiance. (Aren't baby protests kind of cute in a way?) We would return the pacifier but after a several times we just let them throw it away and finally had to just leave the room. Derek and I noticed, though, that each night, after throwing out their pacifiers, the screams lasted less and less time.
When we got back to Chicago we decided this was our opportunity. The boys had spent the last few days without pacifiers and it was now or never to break the habit. So we did it. We stopped giving them pacifiers for their naps and overnight sleeps.
The first night wasn't bad. The second night I put Jeff in his bed while Derek put Aaron down. Aaron screamed his head off (he's Aaron -- have you met him? He likes to use his lungs). Jeff wasn't crying at all. He let me lay him down, peacefully, in his crib and then signed "pacifier" to me.
My heart broke. I had to tell him that the pacifiers were "all done." He just looked at me, a little dejected. I kissed him, told him I loved him, gave Aaron a kiss, told him I loved him, and left the room. Then Jeff started to cry. I can't tell you how hard that was.
It has now been close to a week since we got home and the no pacifier rule has been going well. The boys seem OK with the new world order and have asked for a pacifier a few times but always manage to fall asleep without one as long as we do our new favorite song, "Pease Porridge Hot" with lots of clapping, about 73 times before bed.
On Tuesday, however, I caught Jeff sucking his thumb while I was changing his diaper.
Uh oh...
There might be a new habit to break.
The first plane trip was to the west coast for Christmas. The boys were about nine months old. Traveling with them was a lot of work just due to the fact that we had blankets, diapers, formula, bottles, strollers, car seats, extra clothes, pacifiers, toys, snacks, etc. Nevertheless, the flights went pretty smoothly. Both boys slept a good deal of the time, pooped/peed a little (changing a diaper in an airplane bathroom really does look like a contortionist act!), and made friends with the sweet flight attendants. I was with Jeff on the way out and the cutest thing was that he fell asleep during the descent with his hand wrapped around a couple of my fingers.
This recent plane trip was a little -- ok, a lot -- more chaotic. There was less poop which was good. There was more screaming and wriggling around and the boys were pretty antsy too. (Ba dum bum.) Now that the boys are mobile and more energetic, sitting for a few hours is practically impossible. Most of my pictures these days are blurry because they never stop moving.
Back to the September plane ride now.
We arrived in NYC about 7:00 p.m. and the boys, who hadn't slept for at least six hours or so, were due for bed. By the time we got to my parents' place we were sure they would want to sleep, although we gave them a little time to get used to the new environment and people.. After a little while we tried to do our nightly routine of low lights, pajamas, a bottle and maybe a book or a song before bed. We gave them pacifiers and put them into their pack-and-plays.
WAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!
That's pretty much all I remember from that first night because it was so chaotic after that. My boys have never really liked going to bed and going to bed in a strange place with a strange bed made it so much harder.
So, long story short, throughout the week they did better and better with their new "beds" but still fought going to sleep quite a bit. Towards the end of the week they started to realize that a pacifier meant it was time for bed. As we would put them in their pack-and-plays, they would rip the pacifiers from their mouths and throw them to the ground as a show of 17 month old defiance. (Aren't baby protests kind of cute in a way?) We would return the pacifier but after a several times we just let them throw it away and finally had to just leave the room. Derek and I noticed, though, that each night, after throwing out their pacifiers, the screams lasted less and less time.
When we got back to Chicago we decided this was our opportunity. The boys had spent the last few days without pacifiers and it was now or never to break the habit. So we did it. We stopped giving them pacifiers for their naps and overnight sleeps.
The first night wasn't bad. The second night I put Jeff in his bed while Derek put Aaron down. Aaron screamed his head off (he's Aaron -- have you met him? He likes to use his lungs). Jeff wasn't crying at all. He let me lay him down, peacefully, in his crib and then signed "pacifier" to me.
My heart broke. I had to tell him that the pacifiers were "all done." He just looked at me, a little dejected. I kissed him, told him I loved him, gave Aaron a kiss, told him I loved him, and left the room. Then Jeff started to cry. I can't tell you how hard that was.
It has now been close to a week since we got home and the no pacifier rule has been going well. The boys seem OK with the new world order and have asked for a pacifier a few times but always manage to fall asleep without one as long as we do our new favorite song, "Pease Porridge Hot" with lots of clapping, about 73 times before bed.
On Tuesday, however, I caught Jeff sucking his thumb while I was changing his diaper.
Uh oh...
There might be a new habit to break.
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