I Want It All And I Can't Have It

It's happening.  It's really, really happening and I'm freaking out.  It had to happen at some point and that point is now.  I'm about to spend a few days a week with adults.  It means adult conversations, using my brain for work and no dried Play-doh or Itsy Bitsy Spiders for several hours.  And it all kind of happened without me knowing it was happening.  Let me explain...

I went to an interpreting job and, long story short, the student liked me.  I went back the next week. She asked if I would be her interpreter for the spring semester.  I was excited to be offered this opportunity, but I didn't know if I could make it work.  The three sitters I had previously used were not available for the hours I needed.

Out of the blue a woman who I had worked with in Chicago told me her daughter was moving to Boston and looking for childcare work.

Hmmmm....this just might work!

As I was talking with the daughter about potentially being my new sitter I got offered a bunch of interpreting hours by another student.

All of a sudden I had offers for several days of work and a sitter.  I also had a role in a show this spring that was booked long ago, a job interpreting a show in May and another job to interpret a show that just popped up a couple weeks ago.

I grabbed work.  I booked the sitter.  I was so excited for all of this to happen.

And now it's happening.  Change -- even change you want -- can be scary.

I have been the primary caregiver to my boys since birth.  We have had sitters over the last few years, but I have always felt like I was there more often than not.  Now things are drastically changing: they are at school a few hours a day, a sitter will pick them up from school three days a week, I won't be making them lunch every day, and some nights I won't get to tuck them into bed.  I know it's good for me.  It's a big step to getting back a part of me that was lost for a long time.  I know it's good for them.  Their world is expanding beyond their parents.  The sitter is great and Jeff is in love with her even though he's known her for about 4 hours.  But it's still hard.  Someone told me, "You'll love the change.  After a few weeks of being out of the house you'll adjust and enjoy work and home more."  I believe it...but it doesn't make this transition easy.

Lord help me the day they leave for college.  Just a warning, folks, clear your schedule for the fall of 2030.  I'm going to needs lots of support -- and chocolate.