As I look at my calendar these days I realize how full it is. It's full partly because of the kids. Between the two of them in one week they have three music lessons, three music rehearsals, chess club, computer coding, Torah tutoring, Hebrew school, and three clubs. In addition to that we have extra activities like attending a friend's bat mitzvah, hanging out with a friend, going to the library, and squeezing in family time.
But that's not the only reason I'm busy.
When I look at my schedule I have work which I have been doing for a while now. The surprising part, though, is when I see that I've scheduled a massage for myself, I'm facilitating a parent group, I'm taking a 10 week French class, I'm going to a cupcake decorating class next month, I arranged a dinner with four couples, and this weekend we're heading to Providence, RI to surprise the kids with a magic show with a magician we have watched on TV. I'm back to running on the treadmill. I've also thought about auditioning for a play but realized that would just be too much.
I'm actually doing things for me now. Years ago I remember talking with my mom complaining that I had no life. She told me that the kids are only young for a short time and they wouldn't need me forever. I doubted it at that time. A decade is a long time but somehow time does pass and 10 years did actually happen. My body definitely feels different. My energy isn't what it was. Sometimes I need to remember I'm not 25 anymore and I can't run on no sleep and Cheetos for a week. But I'm doing things for me. I'm feeling like my old life of organizing outings, seeing friends, and not letting life pass me by is back. It feels odd at times to not have to think about the kids. It's weird to focus on me again and in some ways it's uncomfortable. But it's also a reminder that Derek and I have raised the kids to be independent, to explore the world, and to make their own way in life.
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