Daycare: The First Day

Case Study #1: A neighbor of mine has a daughter who is now 18 months old.  She is the sweetest baby.  I've known her for about ten months now and I think I've only seen her cry once when she banged her head.  About 6-8 months ago he put his daughter in daycare four days a week.  A couple weeks later he upped it to five days a week.  He told me to put my kids in daycare regardless of the financial loss I would take.

Case Study #2: A friend of mine who now has teenage daughters told me that she fretted about putting her kids in daycare after being a stay at home mom for a few years.  She put them in two days a week.  Shortly after that she upped it to four days a week.  She loved having her girls in daycare so much (they liked it too) that she then opted for the extended day two days a week.  She said it was glorious.

Case Study #3: A third friend of mine with two kids said, "Life gets so much better when they're in school seven hours a day."

Hmmmmm...maybe I should take the hint.

I have been toying with the idea of daycare for a while, but here in Massachusetts it is ridiculously expensive.  Daycare at any of the big facilities will cost me $1000+ a week for both kids - and that's if my boys go five days a week.  If they go less than five days a week it becomes more expensive per day.  I checked into some home daycare centers and between the fact that I just got a bad vibe from all of the providers I talked to except for one and it would still cost me $800ish a week it just wasn't worth it.  My mind, however, kept going back to the day in the park when I saw a group of kids with their teachers exploring bugs with a microscope and I thought to myself, "I can't give my kids that!"  Although 20 kids with two adults crammed into a room has some drawbacks, daycare can be filled with opportunities for Jeff and Aaron that I can't provide at home.  

The tipping point came when we got the email saying that the boys finally got into the public school's three year old program this fall.  (Hooray!!!)  We had been wait-listed for months and two slots opened up and were offered to my kids.  Starting this fall the boys are going to be going to school for four hours a day and I thought it would be important for them to get used to being in a school environment.

I made peace with the fact that even if I work while the kids are in daycare I will lose money.  It's OK because I'll be out among adults using my brain and they will "practice" being in school.  About two weeks ago I brought my boys to the daycare center for a "trial run."  The center allowed me to drop off my kids for about two hours to see how they would do.

When we got there Aaron and Jeff were a little suspicious of what was going on.  We walked into the classroom while story time was going on.  The director allowed me to stay in the room and play in a corner with the boys for a while.  I asked her how I leave and she said, "You know your kids best.  You figure it out.  There's no one right way to leave your children for the first time."

Jeff was OK with me leaving.  He is often happy playing by himself.  Aaron needed some more convincing.  I explained I would be right next door talking with the director.  I left the room and waved to both boys through the window.  Thanks to sign language I told them again I would be next door talking with the lady and I would be back in a little while.  Aaron accepted that.

I talked with the director for a few minutes and then, right as I exited her office, I heard the "Daaaaaaaaaaaaaddddddy!!!" scream from Aaron.  

"I need to just leave, right?" I asked the director as I started to get emotional.

"Yes.  Let the teachers do their job," she said.

I left and felt ecstatic with my hour or two of freedom and scared for my boys but knowing I was doing the right thing.  I sat down on a bench trying to figure out what to do when my phone rang.  It was the center director.  "Uh oh," I thought.  I had left the center five minutes ago at most.

"Just wanted to let you know Aaron is playing trains with his brother and another boy." said the director.  

I needed to hear that.  He was OK.  I could now go buy my sugar coated nuts without feeling guilt.  Well, I'd feel guilty for not eating a stalk of broccoli, but at least I wouldn't have guilt about dropping my kids off at daycare.

An hour later the center called again.  "Uh oh," I thought again.  "What now?"

A familiar voice told me, "The teachers are taking the kids to the park.  Is it OK if we take Jeff and Aaron?  They really want to go."

Phew.  Not a crisis.  Everything is OK.

I got to the park right around the same time the daycare center arrived.  I saw my boys holding a long rope with rings with 18 other kids to help keep them together.  It made me excited to see them be a part of a class and sad that I wasn't there for them.  I stayed back for a few minutes and watched them play in the park.  Eventually I sat down on a bench and after a few more minutes Aaron spotted me and ran over to me.

We all walked back to the daycare center.  The boys didn't want to give up their pinnies but the director said she would keep them in a special spot for the next time the boys come.

I was told Jeff cried once when everyone lined up to go to the park.  It was probably just because of all the commotion.  Besides that he was fine.

Both boys survived their first day of daycare.  More importantly, I survived.  They were not thrilled with their experience, but they didn't meltdown either.  I'm now trying to get all of their paperwork and medical records in order so they can officially go to daycare a few more times before school starts.  It's the beginning of a new stage, soon: school.  Life without me.  Life outside of the house.  A set schedule.  Friends.  More play dates.  Exposure to different superheroes, candy, and bad ideas from peers.  It can be nerve wracking having your children grow up, but in the end that's what we all want.  We want our children to grow up and be a part of the world and I'll remind myself of that every time their world gets a little bigger and my role gets a little bit smaller.

The Best Three Year Old Joke

A few months ago I called a wise friend of mine who has twins who are about five years old now.  I was having a rough few days and asked her how she made it through the terrible twos.  She (and others) had warned me that the threes are worse.  

She said, "Do you know what they call a three year old?" 

"What?" I asked.

"A two year old with a year of experience."

Yep.  That sounds about right...but only on some days.  My boys certainly have their moments that are aggravating beyond belief like throwing a tantrum because I gave them a blue plate instead of a green plate.  Or worse yet the scream because they asked for a purple band-aid and I actually gave them a purple band-aid.  Call the cops and throw me in jail!

And yet some days I have great days with my children.  (Although I should clarify that "great" is a relative term.)  They are able to amuse themselves for long periods of times, now.  I'm actually able to read books, read more than three sentences before hearing someone yell, "Daaaaaaaaaaddy!" and write a blog.  Now that we have figured out to give them the exact same number and type of trains there are 90% less fights about who gets which "chugger."  And even those days when I'm out of green plates and a boy has to have a blue plate is often not a big deal.  They are learning self-control more and more every day.  

They are also learning to team up against me which I secretly love.  One day I took away some trains and Jeff broke down crying.  Aaron told Jeff, "Don't worry, Jeff, I'll get your train back for you."  I was so close to giving in...but I stayed strong.  I wanted to reward them helping each other, but I knew as soon as Jeff got the Thomas train and Aaron got the Percy train there would be fights again.  It was hard to say no to such cuties.

Speaking of self-control, I do believe we are now potty trained.  Hooray.  I see my Costco bill magically shrinking since we won't need $100 worth of diapers every month.  Aaron has been potty trained pretty well for a couple months.  I give credit to Derek who was fearless enough to tackle it when I was away for 48 hours.  Jeff got potty trained for a day or two (I think) and then decided since he mastered it he didn't need to do it any more.  Once again, success came when I was out of town for 48 hours and my in-laws were here.  I have spent the last week or some mostly homebound looking at pee and poop.  It's quite the spectacle.  When one boy goes poop the other has to come see it.  If poop remains that exciting to them I'll either have future dog walkers, toilet paper manufacturers, or GI doctors.

The other big news is that I have had a hard time finding and keeping a great sitter with a schedule that works for me so this week we are going to do a trial run at a daycare center.  Daycare in MA is ridiculously expensive but I'm ready to take a small, financial loss in return for some hours off, getting myself back into my profession and giving my kids a chance to experience a group.  We have done play groups and the boys do well there so I'm not very worried about daycare.  I talked to them about a place with a lot of toys and teachers and boys and girls but daddies aren't allowed.  Aaron seemed scared but Jeff said, "Don't worry, Aaron, I'll play with you."  

For the last two weeks they have been sleeping on a spare queen size mattress together.  Some of my friends are impressed that they will be near each other.  I guess I should feel proud that I'm doing something right.  They are standing up for each other, consoling each other, and sleeping next to each other without a fight.  Plus, if I'm going to brag a little more, sometimes they eat their vegetables first.  I'm pretty proud of the fact that they will hold off on their noodles to eat their broccoli.  

They just got accepted into a public school program this fall for 3 year old kids which is another reason to test out the group setting with daycare.  Even though I'm looking forward to being able to run an errand 23 times faster and watch more Netflix (sorry, Derek, but it's true), I'm already freaking out a little bit that I won't have them home with me all day every day.  However, when I feel that fear I just remind myself that I miss my career, there are only so many hours a day I can watch them play with trains, and someone will read them "Please Mr. Panda" 17 times a day and it won't be me!  

These three years have been hard.  The lack of sleep, the "loss" of my career, a move to a new city where I don't know anyone, never having time for Derek, the tantrums, the boys' constant fighting over toys, the fear that I'm doing everything all wrong...but I'm just starting to feel like I'm doing OK and all the mistakes I have made over these last few years are overshadowed by the successes.  I see Jeff and Aaron's personalities growing stronger and stronger.  I see Aaron's empathy and excitement for life and Jeff's incredible math skills and sense of humor.  I think we will all survive the threes.

Six Months Later...

I just looked at my blog and saw that my last entry was six months ago.

SIX MONTHS!!!

Clearly my goal of documenting my kids' lives isn't going so well.  People are right when they say that parenthood doesn't get easier or harder -- it just changes.  In some ways life is so much easier.  The boys have a lot more language, a little bit of focus, they can play by themselves, they can (sort of) dress themselves, they are learning to use the toilet, etc.  But for every step forward a new challenge emerges like they develop stronger food dislikes, they play rougher, and they want to put on their own diapers!  When I am home with them there is more laundry to do, more dishes in the sink, more fights to break up over who gets what train and more toys EVERYWHERE!  Like my friend says, "You know what they call a three year old?  A two year old with a year of experience!"

I'm not sure how to catch up on the last six months of life but I'll try with a quick list.

• I got to spend Thanksgiving with my family for the first time in 20 years since I'm now back on the east coast.
• Aaron and Jeff got to celebrate Hannukah and, by the end of the eight nights, they had learned a lot of the Hebrew prayer.  It fascinates me how they pick up language.  They did not, however, like potato latkes which makes me wonder if they're really my children -- or human.  Who doesn't like potato pancakes?!?!?
• I read a book!  Yes, believe it or not I actually had time to read a book.  It was called I Heart My Little A-Holes and it was brilliant.
• I found a babysitter.  She worked for me for about 6 weeks and she was great.  I got time out of the house and the opportunity to go back to the interpreting world.  Then she got a full time job at a daycare center because she was awesome and I lost my sitter.  We miss you, Constanza.
• I'm performing again.  I'm in a show that is opening soon called "Old Jews Telling Jokes" and it is so nice to feel like I have some of my old life back.  Derek is amazing for helping me make the 7 show a week schedule work.  After feeling like I was under house arrest for the last three years it's nice to go out and do something that reminds me of my B.C. (Before Children) life.
• The boys turned 3 last week and we had a great bowling and pizza party.  We had about 22 friends and family come to the party.  It was nice to see that we know people in our new hometown who could come out to celebrate with us. 
• I managed to make photo albums of the first two years of the boys' lives.  Organizing photos is a never-ending, overwhelming job but I'm only a year behind now.  Hooray me.  I think I deserve a medal.  (And by medal I mean chocolate.)  

I'm sure there is a lot more to tell but I still have no memory of what happened last week let alone last month or last year.  We are busy looking at schools, considering buying a home, planning a wedding (yes, it will be official this fall), playing with trains about 12 hours a day, struggling to get Aaron to nap ("He will NOT drop his nap, he will NOT drop his nap, he will NOT drop his nap!"), getting Aaron to go to bed ("Go to bed, Aaron, it's 8:30 p.m." "Go to bed, Aaron, it's 9:00 p.m.!" "GO TO BED, Aaron, it's 10:00 p.m.!!!!!"), going to play dates and digging ourselves out from the snowiest winter on record here in Boston.  Hopefully I'll get some more pictures up soon as well as some funny quotes from the boys.  They're at that age when things that come out of their mouths are sometimes priceless.

To Stroller Or Not To Stroller

Rumor has it there are adults in the world who get to leave their homes without a stroller.  I hear it's a magical place where there are no diaper bags, shoes that blink with every step and cars don't even have smashed goldfish crackers in the back seat.

I am skeptical this place exists.  I feel like I visited this land long ago but it's a very vague memory so I'm thinking it was just in a dream.

The stroller is my worst enemy and my best friend these days.  Two years ago it was great.  I could take the kids anywhere because they couldn't even crawl.  A year ago the stroller was pretty good.  The boys were walking short distances and couldn't really complain if I strapped them in the stroller.  Now it's a different story.

Here is the dilemma I face every time I want to go out:

• If I take the stroller Aaron will want to walk but Jeff will want to sit.  Aaron will want to push the stroller and Jeff will inevitably yell, "Noooooo Aaron!"
• If I don't let Aaron push he cries.  On the rare occasion he doesn't cry he will run ahead of me and I can't keep up with him while pushing a stroller on narrow Boston streets.
• If Jeff and Aaron decide that they both want to walk (even though they told me three minutes ago that they wanted the stroller) there is a fight over who gets to push the stroller.  
• If I don't take the stroller then both boys will want to be carried and I cannot carry two 30 lbs boys around for more than a minute or two.  
• If I don't take the stroller and both the boys want to walk Aaron usually runs ahead of me and Jeff loves to dawdle and take time to smell the roses.  I'm stuck in the middle trying to make sure no one is running into the street, picking flowers off of someone's front lawn, playing with a garbage can or having a meltdown because the sun is yellow today and he wants it to be green with orange polka dots.  

It's a no win situation.

If only someone would invent a jet pack my problems would be solved.

Boston (a.k.a. The Playgrounds of Misfit Toys)

Oh blog, how I've missed you.  The last month has been hectic to say the least.  I have moved from Chicago to Boston with a partner, twin toddlers and pets.  Life is starting to get into a routine so blogging again might become a possibility these days.

Aside from a few, crazy, sleepless nights while staying with the kids in my parents' place, everything went relatively smoothly.  We had a few broken things and a few missing things but that's to be expected in a move.

The boys seemed to have adjusted to their new surroundings pretty quickly.  Our new place has an elevator so pushing the buttons every time we enter or leave the building is quite exciting.  We also have a big playroom and a staircase which are pretty amazing things for a two and a half year old.  The boys have discovered the joy of the library.  Twice a week the library offers programs for toddlers.  There is a sing-along day and a story time day and the boys (and I) really look forward to those.  I'm grateful the library is so close and we'll have an activity to do in the winter.

There are a lot of playgrounds in our town.  Every time I go to one, though, I feel like Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer entering the Island of Misfit Toys.  I'm not quite sure how they get there, but every playground has a bunch of old, half broken toys.  There are slides, baby exercise saucers, toddler cars, wagons and more that are all in that limbo stage of not broken enough to go to the trash but not intact enough to be kept in a home.  I'm guessing people feel that they're doing the community a favor by "donating" these toys but really these toys are just filthy pieces of junk and a lawsuit waiting to happen.  Kids climb on top of rickety kitchens and play in cars with a misaligned wheel or two.  But hey, who am I to complain.  It keeps my kids busy for an hour or so and you know the goal of every stay at home parent is to just to entertain the kids until 6:00 p.m. when his/her partner comes home.  ;-)

A digger truck missing some parts

An old "boat" that just sits there and a scary spinning thing in the background that barely spins

Some broken toy that we pretend is a camera and then I wash his hands well 'cuz lord knows where that has been

A farm and a pink car in a sandbox...apparently that makes perfect sense here in Boston

My Big News

I have so much to say and so little memory to remember what I want to say.  Life with twin boys is definitely hectic and chaotic and exhausting.  It doesn't really get easier.  The boys just get heavier to pick up and the whines becomes louder.  The fights over who gets the napkin in my left hand (because the one in my right hand clearly is inferior?!?!?!?) or who closes the door (because you know once a door closes it can NEVER be opened again so the other child can close it) are frequent.and aggravating.  I heard from a friend that the tantrums of a three year old are less frequent but more intense.  I'm looking forward to that since there are tantrums every few minutes these days.  In another year I may long for the more frequent, usually done in 5 minute tantrums.  We'll see.

Once in a while, though, we get a few, fun moments of playing together.  The boys are becoming creative.  Aaron loves coins and put one in his ear to say it was his hearing aid.  (Yes, only the child of a sign language interpreter and an audiologist would play that game at the age of two.)  Just a few days ago Jeff decided he wanted to put a diaper on his monkey stuffed animal.  I love the creativity that is starting and I know it will just get better and better.  We even made up a story with each one of us contributing a sentence or two.  It had something to do with a penguin getting stuck on a slide.  Then a lion appeared.  I think they were friends.  I'm pretty sure the lion did not eat the penguin.  Next thing I know the penguin went to work to "bring home the bacon" (a phrase they love) and would "be right back" (another favorite phrase).  I believe, in the end, the penguin was still stuck on the slide...I'm not sure.  I don't think I'll submit that story to a publishing company, but I'm hoping for more stories like that soon.

The big news is that we are heading to Boston.  After many, many years in Chicago I am finally leaving.  Derek got a big position at a hospital in Boston and I am happy to be moving closer to my family.  I'm sad about leaving my amazing job as well as my friends, family, interpreting community, irreplaceable babysitter,  and my surrogate.  I had hoped that my boys would grow up knowing their surrogate.  She is part of their identity and she has become a friend.  Thank goodness for Facebook, right?  We never really lose touch with people these days since we can always connect on the internet.

The boys are young enough that the move doesn't mean they will be leaving friends but they are leaving behind what they know.  There are some of my friends who visit often and the boys definitely know those people by name.  The recent playdates have given them some "friends" who they talk about from time to time.  Morgan, Logan and Aubrey will be missed for sure.  The boys keep talking about moving to Boston.  Their trains go to Boston.  The cars we see on the street are going to Boston.  They say grandma and grandpa live in Boston -- totally not true, but who am I to correct them when they seem excited about Boston.  We talk about boxing up their toys and clothes and taking them to Boston.  We tell them that the new place has stairs in our apartment and an elevator which are two very exciting things when you are two years old.  I'm hoping the move goes well.  We will be staying with my parents in New York while waiting for our stuff to arrive in Boston.  I'm sure the next few weeks will be hard on everyone.  The boys will be in new places, new beds, new cities and seeing new people.  I'll have to remind myself things will be scary for them for a while.  Maybe they will surprise me and take it better than expected.  I'll will be home with them full-time which should ease the transition for them.  I do hope to work a little bit if we can figure out daycare.  I'm not sure I'm cut out for being a full time stay at home dad.  Luckily the grandparents are just a few hours away when I need

I'm sure there are a million other things I'm forgetting to say.  Blogging doesn't seem to happen very often these days.  I might get one or two more quick posts before moving, but chances are my next post will be written about 1,000 miles from here.  Wish me luck.  And if you know any families with kids in Boston let me know.  I'll be looking for playdates soon!

Our California Adventure At California Adventure And Other Adventures

I recently got back from a busy week and a half.  We did so much and it included the boys' first day at a Disney park.  Here is what we did.

We flew into San Diego on a Thursday and visited my in-laws.  The boys did well on the plane.  We entertained them with snacks, books, stuffed animals and stickers for a while and then we broke out the iPad.  What did parents do on planes before apps???  The games kept them busy for most of the flight.

Thursday we got to play with grandma and grandpa and the cousins.  Friday afternoon we headed up towards L.A. to visit my cousin who was having his bar mitzvah.  My parents, brother and cousin flew in for the celebration too.

The boys were not happy sitting in the synagogue listening to a religious service.  They were screaming when we took them into the service so we wound up playing with some puzzles in the lobby.  After the service and the reception we didn't get the boys to bed until nearly 10:00 p.m.  Saturday morning was the big service and again it was impossible to get a two year old to sit through a religious ceremony which was half in Hebrew.  After the service, though, was a lunch and that's when the boys realized how much fun their cousins can be.  The boys started warming up to playing with other kids.  There was another party at night filled with games, ice cream and lots of running around.  

Sunday was Disney day.  We headed to California Adventure and spent most of the day at the Bug's Life area.  The boys were miserable when we first got there.  Sensory overload and messed up nap time for three days will do that to you when you're only two years old.  However, after the first ride you could see that look of "Wait a minute...what's going on?" on their faces and by the time we were done with the second ride they were hooked.  They realized this was a day of playing.  Their favorite ride was the spinning ladybugs.  They could have stayed on that all day.  

Derek and I even got to go on one adult ride, The Tower of Terror, while the boys napped.  

It was so much fun to have all the familes together.  

The next few days were spent playing with the family.  

I don't post much online when I'm away.  I don't like to announce I'm out of town.  However, I couldn't resist posting a quick video of our lady bug ride.  As luck would have it my amazing surrogate was in southern California too.  She was staying about 15 minutes from my in-law's house.  We had a big party for all of the San Diego people we know and our surrogate and her family was able to come.  It was so nice to see her, get to know her fiancee and his son, and see her son who has grown up so much in the four years we have known him.  What a nice surprise.

The vacation was crazy, exhausting and so much fun.  I'm so glad we got to spend time with everyone.