My Dreams

Another few months have passed since I wrote a blog entry and, as always, there could have been 10 entries during that time.  A lot happens in my life that is "blog-worthy."  I think to myself, "I should write about that" but then find myself packing brown bag lunches at midnight while waiting for the laundry to dry and remember why I don't have blog.  Life as a parent is non-stop moving.  It's true that parenthood doesn't really get easier, it just changes.  Sure, some things are easier (I don't wipe dirty tushies nearly as often as I did a year ago) but new issues take the place of old ones.

What I wanted to write about today was something that took me by surprise.  I was recently out in California and was able to spend a few days in Los Angeles on my own.  With time to kill I decided to be a tourist and take a tour of Paramount Studios.  I bought my ticket online, drove to the lot and checked in.  I was excited to see what I could about how movies are made.

I walked through the door to the waiting room which had some movie clips, memorabilia and plaques about the studio's history.  That's when I was hit with a huge wave of emotions.  I wanted to break down and cry.

As a little kid I decided I wanted to be an actor.  It was my dream.  I can't begin to count the hours I spent listening to Broadway cast albums, reading obscure plays I found in used book stores looking for auditions monologues, or scanning the phone book for a last name I liked since my last name is clearly not a good one for a marquee.  I dreamed of being on a sitcom.  I wanted to make people laugh every week.  That was my goal.  I never had aspirations to do Hollywood blockbuster.  A sitcom was ideal because you could hear the audience's laughter during the performance.  (Yes, I know there are laugh tracks.  Don't spoil the dream!) 

As I walked into the lot where movie magic happens I think the emotions came from realizing that my dream will probably never happen.  I have made choices in my life that have closed off some paths.  After graduating from college I spent two years on the road touring the country in stage shows and had amazing experiences but knew that the nomadic life of an actor was not for me.  Even at 24 years old my dream was to get married and have kids.  Sure, I would have loved to have gotten married, had kids and had a sitcom, but I knew how difficult it would be to achieve all of that and the dreams of pursuing acting at such a high level fell to the wayside.

Some actors become famous in their 50s so I still have time.  You never know.  It could happen to me!  And when all is said and done and I'm lying on my death bed I know that the children I raised and the husband whom I loved gave me fulfillment in life.  However, as I look around at other friends with and without children at this stage of our lives, I know that both paths are equally exciting.  One choice is not better or worse than the other.  Each choice is just different. 

If I could go back twenty years there are one or two things I would do differently, but my goal would still have been to be a husband and a father.  Had I achieved fame and fortune when I was young I might not have the beautiful family I have today.  I might be sitting between two of the three hunky Hemsworth brothers in first class jetting off to Paris doing a promo which would be awesome.  But having a "Finding Dory" movie party with popcorn and hot cocoa with Derek, Aaron and Jeff  is awesome as well.  Still, the amazing life you give up to become a parent can, at times, be tough competition for the amazing life you get.