Walking the Dog

I have tweens.  And the tween stage, like any other stage of parenthood, has its own unique set of thrills and challenges.  This is the time of life when my kids don't crave having me around.  They aren't trying to get me to play games with them every day and there aren't many "Hey Dad, watch what I can do" moments.  Finding family time gets harder and harder as my kids enter the world in different ways.

Most of the time loosening the cord is hard.  I don't know some of my kids' friends and I know even less about the parents.  Play dates are no longer play dates where the parents hang out and talk.  Now the kids coordinate hang outs on their phones (my "poor" kids only have a flip phone but at least they can text) and then just tell me who they are meeting and when.  

A few months ago the cord got looser when my kid got the opportunity to be a dog walker.  A neighbor was looking for someone to walk his dog from time to time and my kid was excited to A) spend time with a dog and B) earn some money.

I worried about my kid messing up but I also am learning I need to let my kid mess up.  (And so far they have not messed up and everything is going well.)  They needed a little bit of help learning how to navigate scheduling, asking for payment, etc. but it's exciting to see them take on this responsibility.

A couple days ago my kid asked if I wanted to walk the dog with them.  To be honest, I didn't.  I'm lazy in my old age.  At 4:00 p.m. it starts to get dark and cold.  So if I have the option of curling up under a blanket and watching TV or walking a dog in the cold you know which one I'll pick.  But I went with my kid of course.  Parents aren't always asked to tag along with their kids.  I've read enough parenting books to know that when your kid opens that door or extends an invitation you can't say no.  So off we went to the neighbor's house to get the dog for a 30 minute walk.

The part I want to remember is that is was fun.  It was nice to get to play with a dog, get in some exercise, and chat with my kid.  I know that my kid will continue to need me less and less while I want to be needed more and more.  That's just how this job works.  Parenthood is a job that comes with no pay, long hours, stress that causes gray hairs, etc.  But once in a while you get a great performance review from the other employees that makes you want to keep showing up and trying your best.

j

Reality

This morning has been hard.  It has been one year since the attack happened in Israel and war is still raging in the Middle East.  Hostages are still being held.  Innocent people are still dying on both sides. There is no end in sight.

Yesterday my kids went to Hebrew school and the school had a conversation about the war.  It makes me sad to think about what my kids have to learn as they grow up.  I know that we can't pretend the world is fine and everyone always gets along.  But it can be hard to think that my kids' brains have to process so much: the war in Ukraine, the war in Israel, the vitriol from the right against transgender people, George Floyd and racism, COVID/mask wars, xenophobia and the rhetoric against immigrants, etc.  

I wonder if, when my kids are 25 or 30 years old, if I'll still feel the need to protect my kids from the cruelty happening in this world.  I wonder if my parents feel that way about me.  Stress and adversity are parts of life.  We all have to experience them in order to grow and mature and cope with life's ups and downs.  Still, it's hard to not be able to fix -- or even explain -- the cruelty in this world as my kids enter it.

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I've been sitting here trying to think how to wrap up this entry and I don't really have a nice silver lining.  It is what it is.  Sometimes I just have to be OK not being OK for a little while.