Emotions

Jeff has a habit of piling blankets, pillows, stuffed animals and whatever else he can find on top of himself and tuning out the world when he gets upset or sad.  The first week or two we moved into our house and he wasn't sleeping in the same room as Aaron for the first time he slept under his bed which I think made him feel safe.  He finally stopped doing that when we told him he could take his mattress out of his room and bring it into Aaron's room.

A couple days ago, when Derek told me that Jeff was buried under blankets and holed up in his sleeping bag, I went to see what happened.

I asked Jeff if he was OK.  He clearly wasn't.  He was extremely sad and holding onto his favorite teddy bear in a death grip.  He told me he was feeling sad as tears welled up in his eyes.  I asked him if he wanted a hug.  Although he sometimes doesn't want affection he welcomed a hug.

My mind started to race as to what was happening.  I wondered what big issue I was going to have to address.  Our cat is very old and sick and we have talked about death.  I thought maybe he realized that Derek and I are mortal and will be gone one day.  Maybe he realized HE will be gone one day.  Could that be it?  Maybe this COVID-19 pandemic was getting to him.  We just found out a few days ago school is cancelled for the rest of the year.  Could he be sad about that?  Maybe he's upset because he can't see his teachers or his friends?  What new, complex, problem with no solution would I have to explain before noon?

"Can you tell me what's making you sad?" I asked.

He nodded.

"What's up?" I gently asked.

The tears started to flow.  In a strained voice he managed to say, "Aaron gave away his bear and that's my bear's best friend!"

(Whew.  This I can handle.  This isn't a death/pandemic/origin of life level kind of question.)

Aaron, who wanted more stuffed animals, had agreed to get rid of some that he didn't want and replace them with new ones.  Luckily Derek had packed them up but hadn't gotten around to donating and/or tossing them.  So bear's best friend is in the trunk of the car.

Bear and bear's best friend (neither of whom have names more descriptive than "bear" are now back together again.

Life In the Age of COVID-19

We're a few weeks into social distancing.  There are so many challenges to living in this world right now plus being a parent and a worker.  But before I go into that I should say that we are one of the fortunate families in this world.  Derek is working and I'm able to work part-time so we have income coming in.  We have food in our fridge, freezer, pantry, and basement.  My family is generally healthy so our risk is low.  We have awesome neighbors who are looking out for us.  We have iPads and computers and internet that allow us to connect in the limited ways that we can these days.  We aren't concerned about losing our homes or running out of medicine.  I recognize the stresses that we have are much lower than a lot of the stress levels that many people have these day.

Aaron and Jeff had their 8th birthday while we were isolated from the world.  Once again we were very fortunate.  We had gifts from the grandparents, aunt, and uncles arrive on time for the birthday so we had presents to open and keep us busy.  Three of our neighbors also dropped off gifts to add to our celebration.  We had pizza and cake and best of all we got a Zoom call with about a dozen friends to sing "Happy Birthday" to the kids.  Some people left after the singing.  Aaron and Jeff stayed on with maybe six or seven second graders and talked for another half hour.  That was the first time I cried.  I could just see how excited they were to connect with their friends and realized how much they are craving that interaction.

This week the kids had "Zoom school".  This was the second time I cried.  You can see how much the teachers miss being with their kids.  You can see how excited the kids are to see each other.  You can see how much everyone wants to connect with someone outside of their four walls. 

I wonder how this experience will impact this generation.  Throughout history there have been momentous events that shape a generation: The Vietnam War, 9/11, The Depression, school shootings, etc.  Although this is (hopefully) temporary and will only last a couple months, I wonder what this experience is doing to developing brains.  When this is done I wonder if people will cling to each other more, have more fear, or just hoard toilet paper and Clorox wipes for the rest of their lives. 

It will be interesting to see what kids remember from the experience.  Years from now, when my kids are grown, I hope that their memories of this time are more positive than negative, more happy than stressful, more cheerful than sorrowful.