Leaving the House

Today the kids and I left the house for a play date at a playground.  Do you know what happened?  I told the kids we were going to leave the house soon.  They got ready.  We left.

That's it.  End of story.

This may seem very unremarkable and it really is.  That's actually my point.  It doesn't feel like too long ago getting out of the house was a chore.  I would often be exhausted before I even got to my destination.  At first, excursions out took 30 minutes of packing a diaper bag with formula, bottled water, diapers, wipes, toys, a change of clothes, and more.  Later, leaving the house had to be carefully timed around naps and feedings.  As the kids got older we had to remember favorite stuffed animals, books, and snacks.  Often getting out of the house meant tears because someone wanted to stay home and play with trains or watch a cartoon.  And don't even get me started on tying shoes.  Many parents know that when a child wants to tie their own shoes that can add a good 15 minutes to the leaving the home process!

I never thought these easy (well, easier) days would come.  I remember touring several elementary schools when the kids were three years old and seeing third graders independently doing their school work.  I literally could not imagine my kids at that age, but here they are.  They make their own breakfasts and lunches several days a week, they play in their rooms independently, and they can often get themselves ready to leave the house (with a water bottle and a snack) in 10 minutes or less.  

Years ago I remember telling my mom that I was not looking forward to the teenage years.  My mom said she actually enjoyed those years with her kids because she got to speak to us on a new level.  As my kids get older, the teen years seem less overwhelming.  I do enjoy watching their independence grow, their sense of humor mature, and their brains tackle more complex issues.   

Next up -- leaving the kids home alone.  I know that level of independence is coming down the pipeline soon and then Derek and I can finally have a date night!!!

Independence

Many years ago when my kids were little (or maybe before they were even born?) I read an article that has stuck with me.  It talked about the sadness parents feel as their kids grow up.  Parents lament the losses: the smell of a new baby's head, walking down the street and your kid grabbing your hand, pushing your kid on a swing, etc.  As kids grow up, their worlds get larger and their connections to parents become weaker.  

For Hannukah my parents gave my kids Baketivity.  It's a monthly baking kit for kids that arrives in the mail.  Most of the dry ingredients are in the box as well as instructions and a little fun activity page.  So far we have baked chocolate and vanilla cupcakes to create a panda, snowball cookies and red velvet cupcakes.  My kids have told me in no uncertain terms that I am to stay away from the kitchen when they do these projects and let them bake alone.

The fear a parent has allowing their kitchen to be taken over by an unsupervised 8 year old is significant.  You wonder if powdered sugar will be found in the vegetable drawer or if red food coloring will permanently stain the ceiling.  You worry your child will get cut or burned.  You fret about having to eat an overly salty cake or rock hard cookies and while still rubbing your tummy and saying "Sooooo delicious.  Yum!"

But the reality is that although my kitchen is a total mess after they bake, there is value to giving them that independence.  They have such pride in showing us their creations and serving us dessert after dinner.  Aaron has even made up recipes and shared his creations with our neighbors.  (We were guinea pigs first and tried them before subjecting our neighbors.)  Cooking has been a way for my kids to gain independence, confidence, and life skills.

The article I mentioned before said that as parents we don't hold a baby in our arms thinking "I hope you live in my basement and stay dependent on me until you are 40 years old."  Parents have dreams that their kids will become an astronaut, develop a cure for a disease, or improve the world in some way.  We have to remember that if we want that to happen, when our kids wriggle their lilttle hands out of our hands, we have to let go, not grip tighter even if that means they are running into the kitchen to smear butter on the cabinets and sprinkle sugar on the stove.

Just One Moment

I will forever be grateful to my friend Jody.  

During my senior year of college I took a six week American Sign Language class for fun.  I have always loved languages and I really enjoyed the class.  A few weeks after the class ended Jody invited me to see a production of "Blithe Spirit" she was stage managing that was performed in ASL.  Watching that show was mesmerizing.  I was hooked on learning more about the language and culture.  

Fast forward a couple years and Jody and I had both completed our first tour as actors.  I had joined a second tour and Jody had moved to New York City.  One day we were talking and she mentioned her work as a sign language interpreter.  "WHAT???  *mind blown*  That's a job?!?!?!  I had no idea I could use ASL for work.  That conversation put me on a path of a new career.  It's a career that has provided me with a whole new community, new friends, flexibility to work while pursuing other interests, and the ability to work all over the country.  

This morning Aaron and I were at the kitchen table together.  I was reading an article about the top inventions of 2020.  One invention was a robot that was designed to support a child's social skills.  We talked about why kids would need something like that.  We discussed what autism means, how that impacts someone's ability to socialize, and how an invention like this could help.  

After the conversation I wondered if Aaron would remember this moment years from now.  I think about those interviews with people who accomplish great things who say things like "I remember when I walked by a homeless man with a dog and that let me to start a non-profit to create a homeless shelter that accepts pets" or "I had a neighbor who was blind and that inspired me to become a teacher at a school for blind children."  

I don't imagine Aaron will work with robots.  Aaron is not into math, science and technology.  Today will probably not be one of those life changing moments for my kid.  However, I wonder if, 20 years from now, we will be able look back at a moment, an experience, a person, or something else in my kids' lives that put them on a specific trajectory.  

One more story: when I was four years old I went to go see "The Nutcracker."  Five minutes into the show I was hooked.  At that moment I knew I wanted to perform.  It's a feeling that has stayed with me for 40ish years.  I wonder if my mom had taken me to a science museum that day instead of a ballet, maybe I would have invented that robot in the magazine.  We'll never know for sure, but it's fun to consider the possibilities.