Independence

Many years ago when my kids were little (or maybe before they were even born?) I read an article that has stuck with me.  It talked about the sadness parents feel as their kids grow up.  Parents lament the losses: the smell of a new baby's head, walking down the street and your kid grabbing your hand, pushing your kid on a swing, etc.  As kids grow up, their worlds get larger and their connections to parents become weaker.  

For Hannukah my parents gave my kids Baketivity.  It's a monthly baking kit for kids that arrives in the mail.  Most of the dry ingredients are in the box as well as instructions and a little fun activity page.  So far we have baked chocolate and vanilla cupcakes to create a panda, snowball cookies and red velvet cupcakes.  My kids have told me in no uncertain terms that I am to stay away from the kitchen when they do these projects and let them bake alone.

The fear a parent has allowing their kitchen to be taken over by an unsupervised 8 year old is significant.  You wonder if powdered sugar will be found in the vegetable drawer or if red food coloring will permanently stain the ceiling.  You worry your child will get cut or burned.  You fret about having to eat an overly salty cake or rock hard cookies and while still rubbing your tummy and saying "Sooooo delicious.  Yum!"

But the reality is that although my kitchen is a total mess after they bake, there is value to giving them that independence.  They have such pride in showing us their creations and serving us dessert after dinner.  Aaron has even made up recipes and shared his creations with our neighbors.  (We were guinea pigs first and tried them before subjecting our neighbors.)  Cooking has been a way for my kids to gain independence, confidence, and life skills.

The article I mentioned before said that as parents we don't hold a baby in our arms thinking "I hope you live in my basement and stay dependent on me until you are 40 years old."  Parents have dreams that their kids will become an astronaut, develop a cure for a disease, or improve the world in some way.  We have to remember that if we want that to happen, when our kids wriggle their lilttle hands out of our hands, we have to let go, not grip tighter even if that means they are running into the kitchen to smear butter on the cabinets and sprinkle sugar on the stove.