Love You More

 I don't really remember when it started...or how.  

I think it was my mother-in-law who started telling my kids "Love you more!!!" and they would reply back "No, I love you more!!!"  They would go back and forth saying that phrase over and over trying to prove who loves who more.  Of course the kids would always win.  

Over the years my parents have picked up on the game.  The kids play it with all four of the grandparents yelling "Love you more" before hanging up the FaceTime call.  We say it to each other as we run out the door, when going to bed, and when getting dropped off for school.  We write it in Mother's and Father's Day cards and birthday cards, say it in Spanish and ASL, and I even had it etched onto a keychain as a gift for everyone in the family.  

My kids are 11 now and will be 12 soon.  The game still usually happens when we are at home and it's just the four of us.  In the mornings, however, when their friends come over before heading off to school, they don't yell it as they walk out the door.  Maybe if one of my kids is straggling behind the group I'll hear it quietly or see the ASL sign for it, but I get how that's not something that middle school kids will do in front of their peers.  

It's the days when they get out of the car and or walk away in the middle of a FaceTime call without saying it that I notice.  These kids are growing up and growing up means change.  I can choose to focus on all I'm losing, but I try to remember that with maturity and growth I get to love them a different way.  Maybe they don't grab my hand as we walk down the street, make Play-doh pizza for me or say "love you more" all the time, but I get to support them as they become independent and explore the world on their own.  Helping them spread their wings and fly is showing love.  

Years from now, when they are grown up and perhaps when they have kids of their own, they'll know that all the things that Derek and I (and their extended family) did for them shows them that the goal isn't to love more -- the goal is to just love with all you can.