School and COVID-19

When COVID-19 started I was fine.  I was one of the lucky people.  Derek and I had jobs we could do from home.  I had stocked up on toilet paper and kitty litter so all the humans and cats could use the bathroom.  I had bought a few extra boxes of spaghetti and jars of peanut butter so I knew even if we got sick of peanut butter sandwiches and spaghetti dinners we could eat.  I figured the 2-3 weeks of quarantine would be OK.

The first week we were off school the school district decided the teachers needed a week to plan.  I knew I wanted to keep my kids in the academic mode so I started figuring out what to teach them.  I scoured the internet and found worksheets.  There were so many worksheets available.  I printed out vocabulary, time, and math worksheets.  Then I found cursive worksheets.  Perfect!  I hear that school doesn't teach kids how to write in cursive.  This will be a great two week project.  I'll teach them cursive.  I'm winning at this parenting thing.  I found a website to practice spelling.  Then I found a math website running a contest with super-creative math problems.  Then I remembered GoNoodle.com for movement (P.E. -- check!).  I found a great YouTube station for learning rhythms  (music -- check!).  Facebook became rife with posts by parents advertising Mo Willem's daily lunchtime doodle vlog (art -- check!) and the Cincinnati Zoo live feed (science - check!).  I even found a video explaining the national census to kids (social studies -- check!)   I was winning at parenting AND homeschooling.  I was up until midnight every night looking for things to do and planning activities while still taking care of kids, working, prepping three meals and two snacks a day and fending off a killer virus.  Sure...this seemed doable for a few weeks.

The following week we got some resources for the kids from the school.  They would send us some websites to check out and apps that were good.  Yes, I will take that subscription to EPIC books.  That's awesome.  Oh, and the typing app is great, too.  Please send me the code.  But the other things you're recommending??? -- no thanks.  No, I won't set up an art project involving paint.  I really don't have time to clean up that mess between loads of laundry.  Ummmm...I'm not going to set up a mini golf course in my backyard, P.E. teacher.  It's 40 degrees outside, I don't have six cardboard tubes from paper towel rolls and I have to answer about 100 emails.  And while I appreciate the idea, I'm not going to create a number wheel out of tools MacGyver would use and practice my 10 frames because I have to go out to the store today in my mask made out of an old sock to buy some fruit so my kids don't get scurvy after living on boxed mac 'n cheese for the last week!

Then, if I remember correctly, (and who does because I was spending my time arguing with "friends" on Facebook that neither Bill Gates nor Dr. Fauci created the Coronavirus and despite the fact that one lady on YouTube with no medical training has 10,000 followers she did NOT come up with a cure for the virus) online school changed again.  We got a new app and now the work was required...or was it?  No one knows.  Both kids hated it.  One kid did it and hated it.  One kid couldn't figure out how to work the app and hated it.  I tried working the app.  I also couldn't figure out the &*#!-ing app and I hated it.  What the hell button do I push?  How do I record a *&$#@-ing response?  I don't know!!!!  Grrrrrrr.  I spoke with one teacher and told her my kid thought the work was boring.  (I had heard the material couldn't be new because not every kid could access the information and it's not fair to teach new material if not everyone can access it.)  I was told he should try but he doesn't have to do everything.  It's not mandatory.  I spoke with my other kid's teacher who said "Your child should be doing the work independently."  I wanted to lash out and yell, "Oh really?  Well, that's a nice thought but it ain't happening.  Have you seen an 8 year old work this app?  It's complicated!!!  I'm 44 and can't figure it out!!!!!!!"  But I was respectful.  I asked if the work was mandatory because he was doing fine when I created the curriculum and I was giving him spelling, music, math, science and more.  I was told "It is mandatory."

WTF?!?!?!  Why am I getting two different answers?

Then a miraculous thing happened.  Both kids figured out the app.  They were waking up early, running to their iPads and finishing their work quickly.  Somehow life got simpler which was good because now I had to prepare for murder hornets coming and I didn't have time to help my kids create a rectangular pyramid out of marshmallows and toothpicks.

Meanwhile Facebook memes keep telling me that I should appreciate teachers more now that I've had a taste of working as one.  Maybe I'm just lashing out but those "funny" memes really make me mad.  Yes, teachers should be appreciated...but don't think for one second that what parents are doing is anything like what teachers do.  We are working with our own kids (and we all know how kids respond to their parents and teachers is completely different), we are juggling jobs and home life in addition to school, and our kids are not in a typical learning environment.  Our children miss their friends, activities and daily routines.  You can tell me I'm being overly sensitive, but it's not really funny to see memes laughing at parents drowning in their attempts to be teachers. 

Next week it will change again.  Instead of three Zoom school calls a week for each kid they will have five each.  I need to be careful what I wish for.  I wished for actual teaching to happen and I got it -- but it means more arguing with my kids that they need to stop playing and go to school -- or, ummm, log into (?) school.  Each day the struggles to get my kids to complete their work seem to get a little longer.  Today school took over four hours for one of them and included yelling and crying over a scarf dance.  We might get snow in May, cicadas are coming back soon to take over Virginia, and just to play safe (since I recently watched Jumanji) I'm not going to play any more board games for a while.  I don't know what I would unleash if I played a game of Mousetrap with my kids.

It was not a good day.  I'm stressed.  I'm frustrated.  I'm upset.  Tomorrow might be better.  It might be worse.  No one knows what each day will bring.  This is the lot of a parent in 2020 right now.  Let's just say that out of my two human kids and two fur kids my favorite right now is probably the one who pooped on the floor.

I try to remind myself I'm one of the lucky ones.  I have a home with cabinets filled with food.  I have a car that works so I can go to the grocery store without riding on a bus.  I have enough money in the bank that I'm not on the verge of losing my house.  I have a yard for my kids to run in and burn off some energy. 

I'm healthy. 

I'm safe.

I'm tired.

Emotions

Jeff has a habit of piling blankets, pillows, stuffed animals and whatever else he can find on top of himself and tuning out the world when he gets upset or sad.  The first week or two we moved into our house and he wasn't sleeping in the same room as Aaron for the first time he slept under his bed which I think made him feel safe.  He finally stopped doing that when we told him he could take his mattress out of his room and bring it into Aaron's room.

A couple days ago, when Derek told me that Jeff was buried under blankets and holed up in his sleeping bag, I went to see what happened.

I asked Jeff if he was OK.  He clearly wasn't.  He was extremely sad and holding onto his favorite teddy bear in a death grip.  He told me he was feeling sad as tears welled up in his eyes.  I asked him if he wanted a hug.  Although he sometimes doesn't want affection he welcomed a hug.

My mind started to race as to what was happening.  I wondered what big issue I was going to have to address.  Our cat is very old and sick and we have talked about death.  I thought maybe he realized that Derek and I are mortal and will be gone one day.  Maybe he realized HE will be gone one day.  Could that be it?  Maybe this COVID-19 pandemic was getting to him.  We just found out a few days ago school is cancelled for the rest of the year.  Could he be sad about that?  Maybe he's upset because he can't see his teachers or his friends?  What new, complex, problem with no solution would I have to explain before noon?

"Can you tell me what's making you sad?" I asked.

He nodded.

"What's up?" I gently asked.

The tears started to flow.  In a strained voice he managed to say, "Aaron gave away his bear and that's my bear's best friend!"

(Whew.  This I can handle.  This isn't a death/pandemic/origin of life level kind of question.)

Aaron, who wanted more stuffed animals, had agreed to get rid of some that he didn't want and replace them with new ones.  Luckily Derek had packed them up but hadn't gotten around to donating and/or tossing them.  So bear's best friend is in the trunk of the car.

Bear and bear's best friend (neither of whom have names more descriptive than "bear" are now back together again.

Life In the Age of COVID-19

We're a few weeks into social distancing.  There are so many challenges to living in this world right now plus being a parent and a worker.  But before I go into that I should say that we are one of the fortunate families in this world.  Derek is working and I'm able to work part-time so we have income coming in.  We have food in our fridge, freezer, pantry, and basement.  My family is generally healthy so our risk is low.  We have awesome neighbors who are looking out for us.  We have iPads and computers and internet that allow us to connect in the limited ways that we can these days.  We aren't concerned about losing our homes or running out of medicine.  I recognize the stresses that we have are much lower than a lot of the stress levels that many people have these day.

Aaron and Jeff had their 8th birthday while we were isolated from the world.  Once again we were very fortunate.  We had gifts from the grandparents, aunt, and uncles arrive on time for the birthday so we had presents to open and keep us busy.  Three of our neighbors also dropped off gifts to add to our celebration.  We had pizza and cake and best of all we got a Zoom call with about a dozen friends to sing "Happy Birthday" to the kids.  Some people left after the singing.  Aaron and Jeff stayed on with maybe six or seven second graders and talked for another half hour.  That was the first time I cried.  I could just see how excited they were to connect with their friends and realized how much they are craving that interaction.

This week the kids had "Zoom school".  This was the second time I cried.  You can see how much the teachers miss being with their kids.  You can see how excited the kids are to see each other.  You can see how much everyone wants to connect with someone outside of their four walls. 

I wonder how this experience will impact this generation.  Throughout history there have been momentous events that shape a generation: The Vietnam War, 9/11, The Depression, school shootings, etc.  Although this is (hopefully) temporary and will only last a couple months, I wonder what this experience is doing to developing brains.  When this is done I wonder if people will cling to each other more, have more fear, or just hoard toilet paper and Clorox wipes for the rest of their lives. 

It will be interesting to see what kids remember from the experience.  Years from now, when my kids are grown, I hope that their memories of this time are more positive than negative, more happy than stressful, more cheerful than sorrowful. 

Am I Enough?

Parenthood is often filled with feeling not good enough.  Pretty much all parents  I speak to who are honest enough to open up say that they feel they don't spend enough time with their kids, yell too much, don't play enough, aren't involved enough, etc.  Rarely (if ever) do I hear a parent say "I'm nailing this parenthood thing!"  We just don't ever remember that our OK-- and even our days where we barely show up -- is really OK.

That's why we have to pay attention to little moments when something good happens and use those as our barometer that we are doing fine. 

A week ago Aaron decided that he was going to draw a picture based on "Reuse, Reduce, Recycle".  He made copies of the picture and then he and (awesome dad) Derek drove around town putting up the posters to make sure people knew how to save the planet.  He did this on his own with no prompting from an adult.

Kids are inherently selfish.  I've read some articles explaining why that is so.  It's some sort of survival of the fittest remnant from our caveman days.  It takes time (oh so much time) for kids to see the big world that is just outside of themselves.  Seeing Aaron use his time and energy to do something for the planet was amazing.  More and more parents say that their goal isn't for their kids to be smart, popular, or class president -- it's to be kind.  Well, I got that.  Mission accomplished.

Jeff surprised me this week with his kindness, too.  He decided to make a present for Aaron.  Their birthday is coming up and Aaron loves Hatchimal toys.  Jeff is making a house for Aaron's Hatchimals out of cardboard, tape, and construction paper and wants some Model Magic to make furniture for the house.  This isn't a quick run-into-your-room-and-grab-a-toy-you-hate-and-give-it-to-your-brother kind of present.  Jeff is thinking this out and knows what Aaron would like. 

So I beat myself up many days out of the year, but today I'll say that Derek and I are doing a good job and turning these kids into kind, caring, compassionate humans.  We need that kind of people in this world and we just got two more. 

Getting Sick Isn't So Bad

I was sick this past week.  Monday the kids were off school and I was dying for part of the day.  My limbs felt like they each weighed a ton.  My body ached.  I had a pounding headache.  Yet, overall, the day wasn't too bad.  If you're wondering why, it's because my kids are 7 -- well, 7 and a half if you ask them.

• They can play on their own.
• They can get a glass of water on their own.
• They can get dressed on their own.
• They can turn on Netflix on their own.
• When they are starving and approaching death because they haven't eaten in three whole hours they have even been known to spread some peanut butter on a slice of bread and call it lunch and they do this on their own!

I'm also thinking back to a time when they were maybe a year and a half and I was so sick.  I was on FaceTime with my parents and literally just collapsed onto the floor off camera.  I remember my parents trying to cajole two 18 month old kids into checking on me to make sure I was breathing.  (Just FYI, 18 month old kids don't know how to point an iPad camera on a sick parent who is lying on a floor.)  I could hear them talking to me but couldn't muster up the strength to stand or respond.  Lord knows how the kids survived being home with me that week.  Back then I probably had to just fill a trough with juice, leave out the Costco size box of goldfish crackers, and let Thomas the (Annoying) Train DVD run on repeat for 48 hours straight.  

I don't miss those days.  

My friend just gave birth to twins.  I don't envy her.  Those are some rough years ahead of her.  I love watching my kids grow to be independent...ish.  In a decade or so, when they finally leave the nest, I'm sure I'll long for the days of yore, but right now I'm thrilled that I can get sick and actually rest for an hour without worrying about diapers, bottles or a head getting stuck in the banister. (Well, I can't be too sure about that last one.)

My Kids Make Me Eat Better...And Worse

I recently had the experience of being childless and a bachelor again for a few days.  My husband and kids took a little trip and I had three days of being solo.  My husband came back and we had about a week of being wild and carefree again.  However, "wild and carefree" when you are a parent means that you clean the basement while your other half power washes the deck on the weekend.  Yes, it was a pretty pathetic carefree weekend.  When you're in your 40s and you have no time to do the every day life things, crossing off jobs on your "to-do" list becomes a thrill.

The thing I noticed most during this parenthood respite, though, was my eating habits. 

Allow me to explain...

In the first five years of being a parent I gained about 15 pounds.  I blamed my kids.  Well, to be fair, one kid didn't pry my mouth open at midnight while the other threw double stuff Oreos and cheesy nachos into it.  That was completely my own doing.  But staying home for months on end, giving up a career that I loved and dealing with two toddlers was quite stressful.  It made me eat -- a lot.  I was definitely one of those parents who couldn't wait for my kids to nap so I could break out the chocolate and Cheetos. 

When my kids were away, though, I noticed that I didn't want to cook or chop vegetables.  Dinner became a can of Spaghetti-Os or a frozen meal I could nuke if I didn't feel like treating myself with a take-out pizza.  I think, if I didn't have kids, I might never eat a string bean again.  But, because my kids eat string beans, I eat them too.

So the poor food choices children cause when you're up 20 hours a day with a crying infant and the fact that every parent has a secret stash of candy hidden in a box in the cabinets labels "lima beans" are real.  What is also real is that I eat an apple for snack when I really want a Snickers.  It means I buy purple carrots and gooseberries so we can try new produce.  And it means that I actually ate a brussel sprout because Derek made some and I had to prove to my kids that trying new foods are good for you.

The Kitchen

A little while ago someone asked me if I liked to cook. 

I did...then I had two kids.  I feel like I spend my life in the kitchen.  I'm never NOT there.  

1. When I get up in the morning the first thing I do is make breakfast for myself and the kids. 
2. I clean up breakfast.
3. I finish making their lunches and my lunches.  Even if I have made lunches the night before there's still filling up water bottles, putting lunches in backpacks, etc.
4. If there's time I load the dishwasher.
5. When I get home I make a snack for the kids.
6. The kids unload their backpacks but I put all the Tupperware into the dishwasher.  
7. I look in their lunch boxes and see, once again, a clean napkin.  Does anyone else wonder how many days a child can go without using the napkin in his/her lunchbox?
8. I clean up snack.
9. It's usually about 4:00ish by now.  At about 5:00 or 5:15 I start making dinner.
10. Dinner is ready at 6:00.  We eat and then I clean up from dinner.
11. After the kids are in bed I collapse on the couch for an hour or so and about 9:00 or 10:00 p.m. I start making lunches again for the next day.
12. There are other kitchen chores such as loading and unloading the dishwasher, putting away the groceries, washing the refrigerator shelves, rearranging our always over-stuffed freezer, baking with the kids, sweeping, mopping, washing the counters, cleaning the sink, and the never-ending quest to find the Tupperware lid that goes to the Tupperware that has no lid.

I have a friend with eight children.  I really wonder how she ever leaves the kitchen.

I cannot wait until my kids are teenagers.  I'll be broke from the grocery bills but at least they'll live on microwaveable pizza that they can make themselves.