It has been 33 days since my child has broken a law and so far we think that we've been able to stop his slow and steady descent into a world of crime.
"What???" you're thinking. "How could sweet, little, smiley Aaron do anything to deserve this libel?"
Let me explain...
In the fall we started taking our children to music class. They were, in my opinion, a little young to do much participation. At about five or six months old they couldn't play the instruments, sing the songs, or even clap along. That's not to say that I don't believe in music classes for children. I do strongly believe that giving children exposure to music including rhythm, pitch, meter, musical styles, and more does a lot to help develop their brains. So off we went to music class every week.
Over the weeks the boys went from laying on their backs during most of class to rocking on their hands and knees to crawling. They started smiling at the other children, clapping their hands and playing* with the instruments. Class got more and more interesting for them, and me, every week.
The third to the last week of class our beloved Miss Caroline took out her saxophone to start playing our welcome song. Jeff, who had recently discovered crawling, took off from position in the circle and started crawling across the carpet. I wondered where he was going. He just plopped himself down a foot in front of Miss Caroline to watch her play. He was like the most well behaved child at circle time. So cute and so well behaved and he was now starting to participate in class. I couldn't have been more proud.
The next week we went to class again and enjoyed ourselves. On our way home we stopped at Walgreen's to buy some stuff for the house. As we started to leave the store the crime began...
Security Guard: Uh...sir...did you buy a candy bar?
Me: No. Why?
Security Guard: Well...look. (pointing to Aaron)
Me: I'll just go pay for that.
While at the register paying for our stuff Aaron had reached out of his stroller and grabbed...no...stole a peanut butter Snickers. By the time the security guard caught him he had been gumming it for a minute or two. It was now covered in slobber. Don't think Jeff was innocent either. With all of his crying he usually does during the day we know that he could have let out a wail to get our attention. Jeff is guilty of aiding and abetting.
Thank goodness Aaron had stolen something that was only about a dollar and delicious too (not something like cinnamon gum or sour patch kids). At least the kid has good enough sense to steal something daddy likes.
Nevertheless, I believe this is how a life of crime starts. Kids think it's cool to do petty crimes like shop lifting and before I know it Aaron will be doing 5-10 in Sing Sing for stealing cars and Jeff will be in some white collar prison for a Ponzi scheme. Hopefully these mug shots and prisoner jump suits they wore will make them scared straight.
* playing means trying to eat it and slobbering all over it