Friday, March 22, 2013

Sleep Part Thirteen: I've Seen 3 a.m. Too Many Times This Week

Breaking News

We interrupt your regularly scheduled blog filled with good news and cute, well-behaved babies for this important story. 

Wanted for: noise pollution and public disturbance
Names: Aaron and Jeff
Height: approximately two and a half feet tall
Weight: approximately 25 lbs
Hair: Aaron -dark brown and straight, Jeff - light brown/auburn and curly
Eyes: Aaron - bright blue, Jeff - blue-grey
Distinguishing characteristics: Aaron pretends to share his food with Daddy and then pops it in his own mouth, Jeff says "gub gub" and "gobble gobble" a lot

When last we left our hero, Michael, he had posted about his amazing 6-8 hours of uninterrupted sleep every night.  Apparently the two super-genius/super-villains were just letting Michael and his trusty sidekick, Derek, think that they could sleep for more than three hours at a time.  After a few weeks of sleeping for about 9 hours a night the sly scoundrels decided to reveal their diabolical plan of interrupting sleep at random times.  Let's take a look at their three pronged plan of peril.

Part One: It all started with Daylight Saving Time a couple weeks ago.  Aaron and Jeff had been waking up about 5:30 a.m. for a while.  When the time changed it was logical to assume the boys would wake up at their regular time which would look like 6:30 a.m. on our heroes' alarm clocks.  Our duo of dads knew that their bodies would feel it as 5:30 but were hoping their minds would take over and fool their bodies into saying, "It's 6:30 a.m.  That's not too bad!"  However, part one of the devilish duo's plan was to wake up not at 6:30 and not even at 5:30 but 4:15 a.m. which felt like 3:15 a.m. in Derek and Michael's aging bodies! 

Part Two: Aaron has decided that he cannot sleep unless he knows daddy is in the room with him.  Michael has spent 45 minutes standing by his crib waiting for him to be so tired he just passes out.  It's adorable in a maddening way.  Aaron lays down in his crib.  If Michael strokes his back he'll lay there for a while.  As soon as daddy's hand doesn't touch his body for about five second he gets up from his crib, searches the dark with his hands, smacks Michael's face once or twice, realizes daddy is still there and then plops down in the bed again.  This routine goes on for 20-30 minutes at a time.  And, this is a fact, people, the boy will be dead asleep but as soon as Michael steps out of the room Aaron senses it and starts wailing.  If our heroic daddies let him wail A) it hurts their hearts (especially Michael, the softie) and B) Aaron can wake up Jeff which just leads to even more problems.  Aaron seems to have conquered Michael by manipulating him with his chubby cheeks, blue eyes, and cute giggle.  How will our hero get out of this one? 

Part Three: During this week our hidden camera in the boys' room have shown us the following...
Night #1: Aaron woke up at 2 a.m.  It took 45 minutes to get him to bed.  Jeff then woke up at 3 a.m.
Night #2: Aaron woke up at 3 a.m.
Night #3: Jeff woke up at midnight.  Jeff then woke up at 4:45 a.m. 

Will the twins terminate their terrible tactics? 
Will the fathers fathom the foundation of the fretting? 
Will the dads do dastardly deeds? 

Stay tuned to find out.


  1. I need to squeeze these babies!! The cuteness just explodes from them.

    This post is too funny ;)

  2. Right there with ya, man in all my sleep deprived glory :-/ DST jacked us up real good too :(, BUT those sure are some handsome little guys and they are getting SO big!!!

  3. Tragic, Michael, but you frame it so well that it's like a comedy sketch starring infants. Love it. The greatest irony of all, though, is that when you asked your friends how you should spend the last weekend you had before the boys were born, nearly every one said," Sleep!" I hope you did!