Toys and the Trash

I have been debating whether or not to post this.  It feels like I am revealing a huge secret.  It's a secret all parents know about but no one admits to doing -- kinda like watching reality TV or drinking from the milk container when you're too lazy to get a glass.  My children, when they read this, will be horrified.  It could potentially lead to decades of therapy...until they have their own kids and understand why I did what I did.

Here is my confession...

I go into their rooms and the basement when they are out of the house or asleep and throw away their stuff.

Now before you lock me up, let me explain.  It's not like I throw out the toys they get for their birthday or holidays.  I don't get rid of expensive toys, favorite stuffed animals, things they have bought with their own money, etc.  But, if you're a parent, you know the toys I'm talking about.  We all have them in our homes.  It's those bits of plastic toys that fit in a pocket that kids get from trading in tokens at arcades.  It could be that Earth-littering piece of junk your kid gets when a parent breaks down and take them to get a kid's meal at a fast food restaurant that they play with for 30 seconds and then leave on the floor.  I'm talking about "special" rocks and "special" twigs and "special" flower petals and "special" feathers and "special buttons" that are picked up on walks outsise.  It's the coloring pages that are only 25% colored and have been sitting, crumpled, in a corner for the last two weeks.  Maybe it's the bracelet your kid made in art class last summer at camp.  Or maybe -- and we all know this one -- it's whatever came in those dreaded goodie bag from a birthday party.

When you ask a kid if they want to keep something they made/found/bought/were given the invariable answer is "Yes, I looooooove/neeeeeeeed it."  Kids are like little hoarders who are future subjects of the show with the same title.  In order to break the damaging habit my strategy is to take something away and hide it for a week or two.  If I don't hear a "Hey...where's my (fill in the blank)?" after two weeks I feel it wasn't important enough to keep.

Do I feel guilty? 

Yes. 

Do I also feel relieved to get stuff out of my house? 

Yes. 

Will my children understand if/when they have kids? 

Yes. 

Will I laugh and laugh and laugh when they complain to me about all the junk they have accumulating in their houses thanks to their kids? 

Maybe.  (But probably yes.)