COVID-19 and Parenthood

Here we are.  We are more than 8 months into the COVID-19 pandemic and we still have no end in sight.  Things were a little better in the summer but now everything is going to hell and we don't even get a handbasket.  I recently had the same conversation twice and it went like this.

OTHER PERSON: How are you holding up?

ME: I'm fine.

OTHER PERSON: Really?

ME: Yeah, I am a homebody.  I'm enjoying not having to wear dress shoes to work, not getting in my car to fight traffic every day, and I'm actually working more and earning more money than I have in the past because I'm not dependent on squeezing in work during the few hours the kids are in school.  I'm definiltey one of the fortunate ones.  But the hard part of all this is my kids.  I don't know if I made the right decision for them and I'm worried this pandemic is hurting them.  That crushes me.

In August conversations schools started.  I attended a bunch of Zoom meetings to hear how my kids' school was going to keep them safe.  I started to learn more about ventilation systems than I ever thought I would.  Emails and texts between parents were flying around asking what people heard and who knew what and who was pulling their kids out versus who was fighting to keep schools open.  Suddenly I became one of those parents who got involved in school issues.  I looked up the school committee's email and starting asking questions.  At one point I made a list of 27 questions.  Some were complex (like "what's the social-emotional value of being in a classroom if you can't play with your friends?") but most were simple (like "what does a mask break look like?" or "will kids be doing work on paper or will it all be on computers?").  The school board directed me to their website and the FAQ tab.  

I looked.

I emailed again and said the FAQs gave me one answer and I still had 26 unanswered questions.  The school board told me "We won't have all the answers to hybrid learning.  If you're uncomfortable with that you should maybe consider the remote option."

I spoke with a friend.  She said, "That's odd.  I asked a million questions about the remote option.  I was told 'We won't have all the answers to remote learning.  If you're uncomfortable with that you should maybe consider the hybrid option.'"

$#*!  @**#^&  !&#%

That was no help at all.

We wound up pulling the kids out of school and going remote.  All was fine for a while - well, as "fine" as things can be in 2020.  As we move into darker, colder and more lonely months I worry if I made the right decision.  I think I did, but who knows.  In the last two weeks this has happened in my circle of friends...

• A friend who works at a school got an email Monday night saying school was closed ASAP until January
• One family got COVID (mom, dad and two kids) and one was hospitalized for over a week
• Another family got COVID (mod, dad, and two kids one of whom is 2 years old)
• A friend had 5 extended family members test positive
• A friend's wife is battling serious after-effects of COVID about 7 months after she tested positive
• Another friend and his brother tested positive
• A friend's mother tested positive
• A relative of mine
• A friend's grandfather went into the hospital (not for COVID), contracted COVID and died
• Two of Derek's co-workers had scares with COVID in their family
• A friend's son's entire class is now quarantining and that son is considered a close contact

Our governor (who is Republican but has a heart and a brain and courage) recalculated the risk of each city.  Somehow, two weeks ago, we went from 121 cities in Massachusetts that were at the red level to 16 because of a new formula.  A week later the number doubled.  We went to 30 cities in the red and then the governor suggested towns not in the red should get all kids back in school 5 days a week and any red city should do hybrid instead of remote learning.  My jaw droopped.  I get that the numbers are showing that schools aren't major spreading centers, but is that perhaps because thousand of kids in our state (and maybe millions across the country?) are NOT in school.  Can we really say that adding more kids into the mix is a good idea now?  I am not a scientist but my guess is that even if kids aren't symptomatic, more kids will catch it and bring it home to parents.  The map was updated again a few days ago and we're now at 62 cities in the red.

I'm risk averse.  I know that about myself.  And I get that most people who get COVID will get sick, recover after a week or two and be fine.  But if I'm one of the few who isn't lucky, I can't imagine it.  I don't want to have brain fog so bad I can't remember if I ate dinner an hour ago or not.  I don't want my kids to develop a heart condition that could cause problems for years.  I don't want to go into the hospital because I can't breathe and worry my kids.  

With Thanksgiving coming up I am angry.  I am angry that people feel that they need to eat a freakin' piece of turkey and a slice of pie with someone more than they need to protect their neighbors.  

I just don't get it and I am fearful of the world we live in now.  I don't like the world my kids are entering and that isn't a good feeling.