Friday, May 25, 2012

Story Time With Twins

A little while ago Melissa at "A Baby For You" had a wonderful post about all of the same sex children's books that were out there.  It was a great post and I definitely plan on getting some of those books soon.  As the twins approach two months old and life starts to settle into a little more of a routine -- well, I use the word routine very loosely -- I have started story time with them.  I've read that it's good to read to your babies as early as possibly.  Story time usually happens like this...

10:03am Daddy gets a book out that is about 4 pages long.
10:04am Daddy puts Aaron in the bouncy chair to prepare for the story.
10:05am One of the cats throws up some food or a hairball.
10:06am While daddy is cleaning up said cat yuckiness Aaron starts crying because he is
                 a) hot
                 b) cold
                 c) tired
                 d) hungry
                 e) a two month old baby
                 f) all of the above
10:07am Daddy picks Aaron up from the bouncy chair and comforts him.
10:10am Aaron calms down and daddy puts him back in the bouncy chair and turns on the vibration.
10:11am Daddy finishes cleaning up cat yuckiness.
10:14am Daddy goes to Jeff who is now asleep and wonders if story time should be postponed.
10:15am While looking at Jeff daddy's blinking causing teeny tiny ripples in the airwaves which is enough to disturb Jeff and he decides to start crying.
10:20am After pacing the apartment bouncing with Jeff for 5 minutes and getting nowhere Daddy decides to change Jeff's diaper.
10:24am After changing his shirt that was peed on, Daddy and Jeff are finally ready to go back to the bouncy seat.
10:26am Daddy opens up the book and shows the first page of the story to Jeff and Aaron.  Aaron immediately looks away.
10:27am Daddy patiently waits for Aaron to not be overstimulated.
10:29am Daddy starts with page one again.
10:30am Daddy gets a phone call he has to take and spends the next 14 minutes on the phone while adding extra bouncing to the seats with his foot to keep the twins calm.
10:44am Jeff is now asleep from all the bouncing and Aaron has spit up all over his shirt.
10:47am Aaron has been changed and is now crying because that's what any sane person would do when going from a wet, smelly shirt to a dry clean one.
10:52am Aaron is back in the chair and at least Jeff is now awake and ready for story time because of Aaron's ear piercing crying.
10:53am Daddy gets to page two of the book.
10:54am Daddy realizes he hasn't gone to the bathroom since being woken up at 7:45am with screams in stereo.  Daddy decides he needs to pee.
10:56am Daddy realizes he has no bottles for the upcoming feeding.  He decides to wash and prepare bottles for the formula.
11:09am The bottles are prepped and Daddy realizes he needs to eat before he starts feeding the boys soon...oh, and brush his teeth too since it's now past 11:00 and he still hasn't brushed his teeth or showered...but the showering can wait.
11:11am Half way through Daddy brushing his teeth Aaron decides to start screaming again.  Daddy puts down his toothbrush to take care of Aaron with a good swaddle.
11:15am Daddy goes back into the bathroom to find a cat sitting on his toothbrush as she licks water out of the sink.
11:18am Daddy finds a new toothbrush.  Luckily he doesn't have to go out to the store to buy a new one or this stimulating and educational story time would have to be canceled for the day.
11:21am Daddy is done brushing his teeth and goes back to read again.  Because he has "baby brain" and doesn't remember what page he is on he goes back to page one.  What if he skips a page?  How will Aaron and Jeff understand what's going on with the pig/bird/monkey/cow/horse in the story?  Or after counting 1 butterfly how did we skip to 3 llamas?  What happened to two?  Best to just start again.
11:22am Daddy reads page one and then realizes he didn't eat
11:23am Daddy searches (in vain) for food and winds up eating Cheeze It crackers, sugar snap peas and a few cashews.  Then he eats a handful of chocolate chips too because it's important to get something from all four food groups: salt, vegetables, fat and chocolate.
11:29am Daddy remember to start on page two
11:31am Jeff starts to fuss because it has been 2 1/2 hours since his last feeding.  Aaron decides to double team daddy with his cries too.  Daddy starts the whole routine of making bottles, changing diapers, burping, changing the babies clothes which now have spit up, changing daddy's clothes which now have spit up, and calming the twins.
12:52pm Daddy starts story time again.  He reads VERY quickly
12:52pm and 18 seconds Daddy finishes another very successful story time.  Four pages of story in 2 hours and 49 minutes!

Oh...and if you answered "F" to the question above then you were right.


  1. Ha! This was great. I just found your blog and look forward to reading more.

  2. I can't stop laughing.

    Oh man... this post reminds me how exhausting taking care of little ones is. Having "older ones" now though allows me to read about the moments you've just described and feel my heart warming. It goes so fast. I am so glad you have kept your sense of humor throughout it all. It's crucial. :)

  3. Thanks so much for participating in Blogging for LGBT Families Day! I think your sense of humor will see you through those tough early years of parenting!

  4. This was fantastic and so very true. Well done. It's so important to find the humor in the fact that you aren't sleeping, eating OR peeing. Bravo.