Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Sleep Part Four: I Like Explanations

I've always been envious of people who are funny writers.  I think I'm funny in person, but I'm not sure I'm a great comedic writer.  Yes, I've had a few blog entries that have made me proud, but sometimes my humor doesn't come across.  Tone can be hard to convey in writing. 

My blog entries about how little my children sleep are complaints.  Yes.  But they are complaining with a smile on my face.  I want to assure everyone I'm OK with how everything is going. 

I want to thank L at Baby Mama(s) Drama for mentioning sleep regression.  I Googled it and one article I found said...

At 3 or 4 months old, your baby is now sleeping more like an adult. Now when she falls asleep, she does not enter deep sleep right away and if you lay her down before she is in deep sleep, she is likely to wake up and you will start all over helping her to fall back to sleep again and again.
A child’s sleep cycle is about 45-50 minutes. So, your baby will briefly awake 45-50 minutes after she has been asleep.
To me, this might explain why Aaron wakes up after about an hour with a huge shriek, why he can't fall asleep in his crib and has to fall asleep on me, and why Jeff doesn't fall right back asleep after a bottle in the middle of the night. 
Although I could be totally wrong. 
Who knows. 
These are babies we're talking about - unique, little people who function differently than everyone else on the planet.  For me, having a name or a theory about what is happening helps.  So for this week, we'll say it's a sleep regression issue.  In another week I'll say it's because we took them to a party and it messed up their schedule.  The week after that it'll be because it's September.  And the following week I'll say it's because Jupiter tilted 17 degrees to the left.  It's all OK.  Years from now, when my boys are grown up, I'll have some good stories to tell.  And you know the stories will get better and better each time I tell it.  By the time the kids are about 10 years old my story will go a little something like this...
I remember when you were four months old and you went through 93 bottles of formula a day and I was up for 217 hours straight.  You cried loud enough to wake the neighbors who lived three streets in every direction.  Your father and I held you in our arms non-stop for weeks, we spent thousands on toys, hundreds of hours researching sleep methods and even flew in a sleep expert from Sweden becuase we DO EVERYTHING FOR YOU.
Hey, I didn't go through labor so at least I have this. 


  1. 1. You're allowed to complain. We KNOW you love your boys. We KNOW you're an amazing dad. We KNOW a lack of sleep is super sucky to deal with. It's safe to complain here. We understand. Even if we didn't understand, it's YOUR blog! You can say whatever the heck you want to say!

    2. You will not miss these sleepless nights. A month from now (please Lord) when the boys are sleeping through the night, you WILL NOT miss those middle of the night feedings. It's been seven years since I had an infant waking me consistently in the middle of the night. I do not miss it. Not one stinkin' bit.

    3. I CANNOT believe you don't think you're a comedic writer! Really?!?!?! I think your humor comes across loud and clear in your posts, along with your tone. It's one of my favorite things about your blog!

    Stay strong my friend! Your sleepless nights will soon be a thing of your past. I say that to put some positive energy out there into the universe. YOU HEAR THAT UNIVERSE?!?! MICHAEL'S SLEEPLESS NIGHTS WILL SOON BE A THING OF HIS PAST!

    There. You're welcome. You should be good to go now. :)

    1. Thanks for all the love and support, Jeni. And I know you have power over the universe so typing that sentence should fix the problem ASAP. And if you don't have power over the universe, you should, cuz you're pretty freakin' awesome. :-)

  2. Oh your sense of humor comes thru loud and clear. I like it. What I also like is the way you can write about something serious / important and not make me want to scroll to the photos. Funny is easy, meaningful and interesting is way harder.
    I asked our Ped about infant ambien and he almost fell over not getting it was a joke. I'm sure he's taking notes on us now :)

  3. I agree... I can read the humor! I hope no one is hassling you, send 'em my way if they are!

    Okay, just kidding. I'm a small girl. I couldn't beat up anyone.

    I know a lot people say that sleep returns. It does. Kind of. Sure it gets better but for me it will never be the same as it was before kids. I think you just grow accustomed to it.


    Debbie Downer

    1. Thanks Debb -- um, Melissa. Good to know someone has my back.

  4. I know you've probably gotten lots of here's some more. Baby massage. I tried it after my daughter turned 3 months and was still only sleeping in 2 hour stretches. I bathed her with lavender wash, and massaged her afterwards with a lavender/chamomile lotion. sometimes she fell asleep during the massage! If she was still awake, I would give her a bottle and she would fall asleep then. After about a month, she was sleeping about 5-6 hours a night. I know this would be a lot harder to do with twins, but it might be worth a try on those nights when your partner can help. Good luck!

    1. I never thought of lavender wash. That's a great idea. I tried a little massage a while ago and my kids didn't seem to like it. I didn't stick with it long enough to get them used to it. But the lavender or chamomile is a good idea now that they're getting baths more regularly. Thanks.

  5. Glad I could help! Fingers crossed things are getting better. And you are very funny, by the way :)