A little over a year ago I wrote my post about story time with twins which was quite an adventure. I'd like to now explain what it's like to bathe twins by myself.
Normally Derek and I bathe the boys together. Well, "together" means Derek usually bathes the kids after dinner every other night while I use those 15-20 minutes to run around the apartment like a madman trying to clean up the dishes and toys, sweep and mop the floor, deal with laundry, etc. When the boys are done with bath time I run into the bathroom and each one of us takes one wet baby and deals with the whole process of drying him off, putting on the butt paste, diapering him, getting on pajamas and brushing his hair while trying to stop him from eating the aforementioned towel, butt paste, diaper, pajamas and hairbrush.
For the last few months Derek has had a late schedule a few days a week and for the last few weeks I have been in rehearsals at night for a show so one of us is often alone with the boys in the evenings. Bathing two kids falls now become one person job.
Here is my bathing story from a few days ago...
5:50pm Decide it is time to bathe the kids. I start to undress Aaron first in the hallway near the bathroom.
5:51pm Open Aaron's diaper only to find a suprise "Code Brown." I quickly re-tape his diaper.
5:52pm Run into the bedroom to get some wipes to clean up Aaron, After cleaning him off on the changing table I put him down in the bedroom, naked, to start undressing Jeff.
5:53pm Start to undress Jeff and this time I smell the "Code Brown" so I wasn't surprised. As I start to change Jeff I hear an odd noise behind me. I turn to look and see Aaron peeing on the bedroom carpet.
5:55pm Finish undressing Jeff and put him down, naked, on the floor. Go to the bathroom and turn on the water.
5:56pm Get my spray bottle for pet stains to squirt onto the area where Aaron peed only to see Jeff peeing (with quite an impressive stream) in the hallway. I swear the pee went over two feet. At least this time it is on a hardwood floor.
5:57pm Find some Clorox wipes to clean up Jeff's pee.
5:58pm Go into the bathroom to check on the water. I start preparing the bath with some bubbles and toys. Jeff and Aaron follow me into the bathroom. Jeff, holding a toy, becomes interested in the kitty litter. He considers throwing his toy into the litter box but decides against it.
5:59pm Finally have both boys in the bath. We play. Aaron farts a lot. I get very wet even though I'm not the one taking a bath.
6:10pm Aaron decides he is done with bath time. I can't take him out and leave Jeff in the water. I open the drain in the tub to let the water out.
6:10-6:17pm Jeff finds it funny to close the drain every time I open it. As a result it takes forever to drain a few inches of water from the tub.
6:18pm Take Aaron out of the tub, dry him off and run into the bedroom (about 5 feet away) praying Jeff doesn't decide to try to climb out of the tub. I throw naked Aaron into his crib. He screams as I run back into the bathroom to get Jeff. I pray Aaron doesn't pee in his bed.
6:18pm and 12 seconds Take Jeff out of the tub, start to dry him off and run into the bedroom to a screaming Aaron. I put naked Jeff in his crib. I pray Jeff doesn't pee in his bed.
6:18 and 20 seconds I get a chilly Aaron out of his crib and start the going to bed process of butt paste, diaper and pajamas. I only get butt paste and a diaper on squirmy Aaron before stopping due to exhaustion but I'm ok with that. Jeff cries. I continue to pray Jeff doesn't pee in his bed before I get a diaper on him.
6:20pm Put Aaron on the floor to play. He is dressed and his hair is a mess, but I justify not brushing his hair becuase the messy, bed-head look is in these days, right?
6:21pm Get Jeff out of his crib and try to put diaper cream on him. He clings to me. He loves to be held; he hates to be on his changing table. I hold Jeff for a minute or two praying he doesn't pee on me before I get a diaper on him.
6:23pm Get Jeff interested in a light attached to his changing table. I slather on the butt paste while he is standing up looking at the light. I do my best to put a diaper on him while he is still standing. I wonder where Aaron is. I put Jeff down on the floor to play.
6:25pm Look for Aaron and see he is in the bathroom eyeing the kitty litter box because I forgot to lock the gate thanks to "baby brain" and not having three arms.
6:26pm Take Aaron out of the bathroom.
6:27-6:43pm Spend the next 16 minutes chasing the boys up and down the hallway trying to get pajamas on them. I always win in the end but it usually involves a lot of laughter (from the boys who think this is a game), crying (from daddy who thinks this is the universe's way of punishing him for some wrongdoings in a past life), exercise (both cardio from the chase and strength building from wrestling with a baby as I try to get him dressed), and sometimes a cracker (to distract a baby when I'm too tired to chase him any more).
6:44-7:00pm In a daze I manage to give the boys their last bottle of the night, brush their teeth, and get them into their cribs. Usually they do fall asleep rather quickly these days or they play with a book for a while before falling asleep. I guess this process wears them out as much as it does me.
7:01-7:04pm I curl up on the couch and tune out the world for a few minutes wondering if this will ever get easier.
7:05pm I realize that a day like today, as hard as it is, gives me a good "Let me tell you about the time the boys peed on the floor" story to tell when they are surly teenagers.
After going through surrogacy and having twins, this is the story of my life after fulfilling my dream to become a father.
Friday, August 9, 2013
Thursday, August 1, 2013
Single Parenthood
I have had this post in my head since May when Mother's Day came up. It popped into my head because A) some of my single mom friends wished me a happy Mother's Day because they get wished a happy Father's Day for doing double duty as a parent and B) I have single mom friends who blow my mind by how much they do now that I'm a parent myself.
It's no secret that parenthood has been a rocky road for me. I don't do well with the lack of sleep, I get crazy having a home that is constantly a mess, and I have no self-restraint when my kids cry because I feel I have to rush to their aid. Can you say overtired, anal-retentive, helicopter parent? (Hey...at least I'm getting better.)
There are days when the crying gets to me to the point that I can't think straight. I can't make a decision about how to handle the situation. Do I give in and let Aaron eat another pound of Cheerios, or do I make him eat his oatmeal? Do I let Jeff have a tantrum or do I put him in a "big boy" chair knowing that I'm now going to have to sit on the floor for the next 10 minutes making sure he doesn't fall off while standing on an adult sized chair? And then, of course, there is the ever popular how long do I let someone cry at night before going into the bedroom?
Thank goodness Derek is here to help me through these hard times.
I also think about how on earth I'd be able to get two kids up, fed, dressed, out the door, into the car, into daycare and still get to work on time five days a week if I were a single parent. I can barely drag myself out of bed in the mornings. Derek usually gets up first and I come out twenty minutes later as hideous Daddy-like monster squinting from the light, unable to talk, and grumpy as...as...well, as grumpy as my kids when they wake up from a nap.
My point to all of this is that parenthood has, at times, beaten me down, chewed me up and spit me out AND I have help. My single parent friends do it all on their own. They get up at 3:00 a.m. every time to soothe a sick kid, change every diaper, cook every meal, clean every dish, plan every vacation, and do everything 24/7/365. It blows my mind to think these amazing parents who are raising some really terrific kids.
While raising children with someone has its own challenges (Did you seriously take our children out in public wearing a striped shirt and plaid pants???) I know Aaron, Jeff and I are happy to be in a family of four instead of three.
It's no secret that parenthood has been a rocky road for me. I don't do well with the lack of sleep, I get crazy having a home that is constantly a mess, and I have no self-restraint when my kids cry because I feel I have to rush to their aid. Can you say overtired, anal-retentive, helicopter parent? (Hey...at least I'm getting better.)
There are days when the crying gets to me to the point that I can't think straight. I can't make a decision about how to handle the situation. Do I give in and let Aaron eat another pound of Cheerios, or do I make him eat his oatmeal? Do I let Jeff have a tantrum or do I put him in a "big boy" chair knowing that I'm now going to have to sit on the floor for the next 10 minutes making sure he doesn't fall off while standing on an adult sized chair? And then, of course, there is the ever popular how long do I let someone cry at night before going into the bedroom?
Thank goodness Derek is here to help me through these hard times.
- Yes, it's OK to give Aaron more Cheerios, Michael.
- No, don't let Jeff get used to standing on chairs, Michael.
- Go sit outside, you weak-willed wussy, until the kids fall asleep.
I also think about how on earth I'd be able to get two kids up, fed, dressed, out the door, into the car, into daycare and still get to work on time five days a week if I were a single parent. I can barely drag myself out of bed in the mornings. Derek usually gets up first and I come out twenty minutes later as hideous Daddy-like monster squinting from the light, unable to talk, and grumpy as...as...well, as grumpy as my kids when they wake up from a nap.
My point to all of this is that parenthood has, at times, beaten me down, chewed me up and spit me out AND I have help. My single parent friends do it all on their own. They get up at 3:00 a.m. every time to soothe a sick kid, change every diaper, cook every meal, clean every dish, plan every vacation, and do everything 24/7/365. It blows my mind to think these amazing parents who are raising some really terrific kids.
While raising children with someone has its own challenges (Did you seriously take our children out in public wearing a striped shirt and plaid pants???) I know Aaron, Jeff and I are happy to be in a family of four instead of three.
Sunday, July 21, 2013
Our Awesome Nanny
From time to time I have days when I think that daycare is the best invention ever! It's those days when the babies decide to wake up at 5:00 a.m., scream all day, throw all their food on the floor, have three poopie diapers EACH, and refuse to nap. I think about how nice it would be to have adult conversations five days a week, be able to go to the gym, or even just get a haircut more than once every three months. But then I think about how fortunate/tired I am to be able to stay home with my little munchkins a few days a week to watch them grow and develop and learn the "Head and Shoulders, Knees and Toes" song.
I also think about how different my kids' lives would be going to daycare every day. We all know some daycare centers are awesome. The staff truly adores the kids, nurtures their creativity and curiosity and provides a wonderful learning environment. These are usually the centers that would cost me over $500 a week for two kids and make me live on Ramen noodles until 2037.
Then there are some, shall we say, "not-up-to-par" daycare centers that may be affordable, but may not give my children what I hope to give them. I'd be wracked with guilt and spend all my free money on wildly unnecessary things for the kids trying to make up for their non-utopian daycare experiences. I'd be so broke I'd have to eat Ramen noodles for breakfast, lunch and dinner until 2047.
I know, though, that most daycare centers do a good job and are relatively affordable. My kids would get some great experiences, I wouldn't be completely broke, and my whole family would still be happy and healthy.
However, the fact is that Derek and I are able to take care of the kids ourselves with help just one day a week. But that one day that we both have to work is a joy in so many ways.
I'm happy to get some adult time, adult conversations, and continue working a job that I really do love.
I also love that our kids get some time with someone other than their daddies. I do think it is good to expose them to new people. We have some sitters who have come just once and some who come from time to time. All four grandparents, Bethany, Heather, Nannette, Michelle, Susan, Liz, Kirsten, Monica, Lisa, and Kara (I hope I didn't miss anyone?) have been great with the kids.
Of course I also have to mention our regular sitter, Buddy, who is such a blessing. She started sitting for us when the kids were about three months old and has helped our boys learn, grow, and develop. She holds them when they're sick, helps them learn right from wrong if they misbehave, feeds them, plays with them, takes them out for walks in the stroller, and does everything I could ever want for them. She is willing to help us out if we need her at different times. She cares for the boys the way you want someone to care for your children. You can see there really is a genuine love between them. Derek and I are lucky to have her.
Buddy is an up-and-coming artist who is starting to get more and more work painting. I took a drawing class in college and was horrible so I'm glad someone can give these kids some visual arts skills. A month ago Buddy got the same results from Aaron I did when she tried to get him to draw (he tried to eat the crayons) she got Jeff to actually hold a crayon and color.
Just like our surrogate who has become a part of our family and holds a special place in our hearts, we are grateful for Buddy who is a special part of our family as well.
I also think about how different my kids' lives would be going to daycare every day. We all know some daycare centers are awesome. The staff truly adores the kids, nurtures their creativity and curiosity and provides a wonderful learning environment. These are usually the centers that would cost me over $500 a week for two kids and make me live on Ramen noodles until 2037.
Then there are some, shall we say, "not-up-to-par" daycare centers that may be affordable, but may not give my children what I hope to give them. I'd be wracked with guilt and spend all my free money on wildly unnecessary things for the kids trying to make up for their non-utopian daycare experiences. I'd be so broke I'd have to eat Ramen noodles for breakfast, lunch and dinner until 2047.
I know, though, that most daycare centers do a good job and are relatively affordable. My kids would get some great experiences, I wouldn't be completely broke, and my whole family would still be happy and healthy.
However, the fact is that Derek and I are able to take care of the kids ourselves with help just one day a week. But that one day that we both have to work is a joy in so many ways.
I'm happy to get some adult time, adult conversations, and continue working a job that I really do love.
I also love that our kids get some time with someone other than their daddies. I do think it is good to expose them to new people. We have some sitters who have come just once and some who come from time to time. All four grandparents, Bethany, Heather, Nannette, Michelle, Susan, Liz, Kirsten, Monica, Lisa, and Kara (I hope I didn't miss anyone?) have been great with the kids.
Of course I also have to mention our regular sitter, Buddy, who is such a blessing. She started sitting for us when the kids were about three months old and has helped our boys learn, grow, and develop. She holds them when they're sick, helps them learn right from wrong if they misbehave, feeds them, plays with them, takes them out for walks in the stroller, and does everything I could ever want for them. She is willing to help us out if we need her at different times. She cares for the boys the way you want someone to care for your children. You can see there really is a genuine love between them. Derek and I are lucky to have her.
Buddy is an up-and-coming artist who is starting to get more and more work painting. I took a drawing class in college and was horrible so I'm glad someone can give these kids some visual arts skills. A month ago Buddy got the same results from Aaron I did when she tried to get him to draw (he tried to eat the crayons) she got Jeff to actually hold a crayon and color.
Just like our surrogate who has become a part of our family and holds a special place in our hearts, we are grateful for Buddy who is a special part of our family as well.
Monday, June 10, 2013
We're Officially A Crime Family
As children grow older parents start to notice things about them that came through nature or nurture. Sometimes you see that a son has mom's ears or your daughter has grandpa's nose. Sometimes your child loves baseball because dad is a baseball fan or your son wants to play the piano because his older sister takes piano lessons. Sometimes a child learns to steal because his older brother is a thief. Sometimes Aunt Suzy instills in yo --
Wait a minute. What did you just say?
Yep, you read that right. Apparently my beloved second child has turned to a life of crime too. Do you all remember my child the thief from a few months ago? Aaron stole a candy bar from a store a few months back. He has been a reformed criminal every since and led a mostly good life with the exception of some minor infractions like stealing his brother's toys, smacking a cat in the face and holding out a Cheerio like he is going to feed it to me and then popping it in his own mouth.
The theft incident, however, seems to have had a lasting effect on Jeff. Apparently he, too, has turned to a life of crime. A week ago Sunday we went to a street fair. There was a children's play area that had a bunch of toys on a mat. Derek and I took the kids out of their strollers so they could stretch their legs and play for a few minutes. Aaron took off like a bat out of hell. He didn't even look to see if I was following him. He darted out of the play area (which wasn't enclosed) and zipped through the legs of hundreds of people at the festival. I let him run for a while and then brought him back to the play area. Again he took off not caring whether or not Daddy was following him. He did this four or five times which I have now concluded was just a distraction to take my attention off of Jeff.
After chasing Aaron around the fair for a good 15 minutes I was ready to go. I got Aaron ready to leave and Derek put Jeff in his stroller. About two minutes after we left I noticed something white in Jeff's hands. I looked closer and it was a car. Yes, I can now say my child is a car thief. We went from stealing candy to Grand Theft Auto! (OK...to be more specific it was a toy car.)
Was this deviant life style from my genes? I don't think so. I have heard a great aunt of mine married someone who had ties to the mob but that's not in my genes. My mob ties are only through marriage.
Did the life of crime come from how we nurture the children? I don't think so. Derek and I are law abiding citizens. We wear our seatbelts, pay our taxes and don't even take too many pennies from a "leave a penny/take a penny" tray.
Did this criminal inclination come from the egg donor? I don't think so. She was a successful, advanced degree teacher who seemed like a perfectly lovely lady.
So where does that leave us?
I have to believe that the naughty behavior is coming from a group who tends to be lazy all day, rowdy at night, steal food whenever possible, has been known to break things, stalk anything that moves and gets into fights over territory: clearly I blame the cats.
Wait a minute. What did you just say?
Yep, you read that right. Apparently my beloved second child has turned to a life of crime too. Do you all remember my child the thief from a few months ago? Aaron stole a candy bar from a store a few months back. He has been a reformed criminal every since and led a mostly good life with the exception of some minor infractions like stealing his brother's toys, smacking a cat in the face and holding out a Cheerio like he is going to feed it to me and then popping it in his own mouth.
The theft incident, however, seems to have had a lasting effect on Jeff. Apparently he, too, has turned to a life of crime. A week ago Sunday we went to a street fair. There was a children's play area that had a bunch of toys on a mat. Derek and I took the kids out of their strollers so they could stretch their legs and play for a few minutes. Aaron took off like a bat out of hell. He didn't even look to see if I was following him. He darted out of the play area (which wasn't enclosed) and zipped through the legs of hundreds of people at the festival. I let him run for a while and then brought him back to the play area. Again he took off not caring whether or not Daddy was following him. He did this four or five times which I have now concluded was just a distraction to take my attention off of Jeff.
After chasing Aaron around the fair for a good 15 minutes I was ready to go. I got Aaron ready to leave and Derek put Jeff in his stroller. About two minutes after we left I noticed something white in Jeff's hands. I looked closer and it was a car. Yes, I can now say my child is a car thief. We went from stealing candy to Grand Theft Auto! (OK...to be more specific it was a toy car.)
Was this deviant life style from my genes? I don't think so. I have heard a great aunt of mine married someone who had ties to the mob but that's not in my genes. My mob ties are only through marriage.
Did the life of crime come from how we nurture the children? I don't think so. Derek and I are law abiding citizens. We wear our seatbelts, pay our taxes and don't even take too many pennies from a "leave a penny/take a penny" tray.
Did this criminal inclination come from the egg donor? I don't think so. She was a successful, advanced degree teacher who seemed like a perfectly lovely lady.
So where does that leave us?
I have to believe that the naughty behavior is coming from a group who tends to be lazy all day, rowdy at night, steal food whenever possible, has been known to break things, stalk anything that moves and gets into fights over territory: clearly I blame the cats.
Friday, May 31, 2013
Dear Michael of 2023
Derek and I just watched an interesting documentary about how our mind perceives time and motion. It talked a little bit about how/why time flies when you're having fun and why a watched pot never boils.
I've been told by many parents how fast the first year goes and how much faster each year seems to fly. People (usually people with older kids) talk about how envious they are of my little munchkins, how cute they are and how they long for the days when their kids were little. Friends and strangers tell me how lucky I am to have babies in the house.
I'm sure I'll find myself saying the same things to new parents before I know it. However...
In about 10 years, when I long for the newborn/infant/toddler times, I want to remember this --
Dear Michael of 2023,
Hey, it's Michael of 2013. Remember me? Probably not since most of 2012 and part of 2013 was a blur. Let me refresh your memory a little bit of what life was like.
I have to start in about December of 2012 because I don't really have much of a memory of April through November. You didn't get much sleep for those 8 months. Actually, you didn't get much sleep for over a year. You know how you get to sleep at least 6 or 7 hours in a row these days? Well, back in 2012 you only got to sleep about 2-3 hours at a time...and that's if the boys were on the same schedule. If they got off then welcome to being awake for 20 hours at a time. I do remember that day. Twenty hours of being awake. Say it with me: twenty loooong hours of being awake.
Remember that time you got into the shower, put conditioner in your hair and then forgot to wash it out? No? You don't remember that? Probably because you were practically sleep walking that day. Well, it happened and it was embarassing. Embarassing like forgetting to zip your zipper, calling people and forgetting why you called them and wearing mismatched socks. You did all of those too.
Have you wiped a poopy butt recently? I did. Usually 2-6 times a day. Sometimes it's wasn't so bad. Sometimes it was, well, let's just say pretty disgusting. I won't go into details, but poop can take on all different forms and I saw them all.
I'm guessing you also haven't run out to the store in the middle of the night when it's zero degrees out to buy pacifiers/bibs/formula/anything to stop a baby from screaming. Yeah, I did that a lot. I never knew what toy or pacifier the babies would like so I'd buy them all and just pray one would help them calm down and be happy.
Talking about being happy do you remember when the kids learned to laugh? Yeah, that was pretty amazing. But do you also remember that the kids knew how to scream? Yeah, that was pretty amazing in a totally different way. Who knew humans could scream that loudly for that long? I sure didn't. And what was it they cried about? Oh yeah...NOTHING!!!! Well, I'm sure it was something. Maybe the cat stirred in her sleep or they noticed their favorite book was on the bottom shelf and not the middle shelf or possibly they got the bottle with the yellow cap and wanted the green one. Silly daddy, you should have known to predict every movement of every organism in the universe to make sure they aligned just right for Aaron and Jeff.
Oh, and are you carrying a 50 pound weight all day? I often did. The boys don't understand why you can't carry two 25 pound babies while cleaning a home, cooking dinner, washing bottles and doing loads of laundry. If you put them down on the floor they would scream. At least that screaming had a clear reason.
Don't think I had it all bad. I know that I was lucky being the Michael of 2013. I got Jeff plopping himself in my lap with a book all the time and Aaron playing chase up and down the hallway with me. I got to watch language emerge and laugh when the kids got food in their hair as they discovered the joy of forks and spoons. There were a lot of good times. But I'm a little envious of you, Michael of 2023. You get to decorate a cake with gobs of frosting and candy with your 10 year old kids for Derek's birthday. You get to feel tears well up in your eyes as you watch your children perform in a school play. You get to celebrate with ice cream when your kids compete in a science fair. You get to feel pride when you watch your kids include the "outcast" child on the playground. You get to see the wonder in their faces when you take your children to Disney!
Time marches on and there isn't anything you can do about it. So don't waste time missing the years that have passed. Enjoy what your kids are doing now and get excited about what the future holds. When you're missing Aaron's dramatic look of surprise when Elmo pops out of a box or Jeff's head nuzzling your neck enjoy the pictures, videos and memories of that time. Then go find a screaming, poopie baby and tell his parents that one day they, too, will know the joy of sleeping through the night.
With love,
Michael of 2013
I've been told by many parents how fast the first year goes and how much faster each year seems to fly. People (usually people with older kids) talk about how envious they are of my little munchkins, how cute they are and how they long for the days when their kids were little. Friends and strangers tell me how lucky I am to have babies in the house.
I'm sure I'll find myself saying the same things to new parents before I know it. However...
In about 10 years, when I long for the newborn/infant/toddler times, I want to remember this --
Dear Michael of 2023,
Hey, it's Michael of 2013. Remember me? Probably not since most of 2012 and part of 2013 was a blur. Let me refresh your memory a little bit of what life was like.
I have to start in about December of 2012 because I don't really have much of a memory of April through November. You didn't get much sleep for those 8 months. Actually, you didn't get much sleep for over a year. You know how you get to sleep at least 6 or 7 hours in a row these days? Well, back in 2012 you only got to sleep about 2-3 hours at a time...and that's if the boys were on the same schedule. If they got off then welcome to being awake for 20 hours at a time. I do remember that day. Twenty hours of being awake. Say it with me: twenty loooong hours of being awake.
Remember that time you got into the shower, put conditioner in your hair and then forgot to wash it out? No? You don't remember that? Probably because you were practically sleep walking that day. Well, it happened and it was embarassing. Embarassing like forgetting to zip your zipper, calling people and forgetting why you called them and wearing mismatched socks. You did all of those too.
Have you wiped a poopy butt recently? I did. Usually 2-6 times a day. Sometimes it's wasn't so bad. Sometimes it was, well, let's just say pretty disgusting. I won't go into details, but poop can take on all different forms and I saw them all.
I'm guessing you also haven't run out to the store in the middle of the night when it's zero degrees out to buy pacifiers/bibs/formula/anything to stop a baby from screaming. Yeah, I did that a lot. I never knew what toy or pacifier the babies would like so I'd buy them all and just pray one would help them calm down and be happy.
Talking about being happy do you remember when the kids learned to laugh? Yeah, that was pretty amazing. But do you also remember that the kids knew how to scream? Yeah, that was pretty amazing in a totally different way. Who knew humans could scream that loudly for that long? I sure didn't. And what was it they cried about? Oh yeah...NOTHING!!!! Well, I'm sure it was something. Maybe the cat stirred in her sleep or they noticed their favorite book was on the bottom shelf and not the middle shelf or possibly they got the bottle with the yellow cap and wanted the green one. Silly daddy, you should have known to predict every movement of every organism in the universe to make sure they aligned just right for Aaron and Jeff.
Oh, and are you carrying a 50 pound weight all day? I often did. The boys don't understand why you can't carry two 25 pound babies while cleaning a home, cooking dinner, washing bottles and doing loads of laundry. If you put them down on the floor they would scream. At least that screaming had a clear reason.
Don't think I had it all bad. I know that I was lucky being the Michael of 2013. I got Jeff plopping himself in my lap with a book all the time and Aaron playing chase up and down the hallway with me. I got to watch language emerge and laugh when the kids got food in their hair as they discovered the joy of forks and spoons. There were a lot of good times. But I'm a little envious of you, Michael of 2023. You get to decorate a cake with gobs of frosting and candy with your 10 year old kids for Derek's birthday. You get to feel tears well up in your eyes as you watch your children perform in a school play. You get to celebrate with ice cream when your kids compete in a science fair. You get to feel pride when you watch your kids include the "outcast" child on the playground. You get to see the wonder in their faces when you take your children to Disney!
Time marches on and there isn't anything you can do about it. So don't waste time missing the years that have passed. Enjoy what your kids are doing now and get excited about what the future holds. When you're missing Aaron's dramatic look of surprise when Elmo pops out of a box or Jeff's head nuzzling your neck enjoy the pictures, videos and memories of that time. Then go find a screaming, poopie baby and tell his parents that one day they, too, will know the joy of sleeping through the night.
With love,
Michael of 2013
Friday, May 17, 2013
T-shirts and Evil Spirits
These shirts are cute but they have a little bit of significance to me. Here is the story...
Being Jewish I grew up knowing that you don't get a baby anything until the baby arrives at your home. It's bad luck to prepare for a baby before he/she arrives. I had received a few small gifts during the pregnancy that I quickly gave to friends to stash in their houses fearing that the evil spirits would come if I had a teddy bear or a rattle in my house. (Isn't religion silly sometimes?) I understand, though, that in the 21st century we have to do a little preparation before a baby or two arrived. Derek and I agreed on a starting date that we could bring things into the house. I think it was February 1st.
In December of 2011 Derek and I took a trip to Cozumel. It was our last trip before the babies were born - our babymoon as people like to call it. Our surrogate was about five months pregnant at the time so things were looking good. Still, my head was filled with all kinds of "what ifs..."
As we walked around Mexico the idea of buying something for our twins was in my head, but I resisted. I resisted for almost the entire trip, but when I saw these shirts I just loved them. I remember standing in the store trying to rationalize how it was Derek (who isn't Jewish) buying them, not me. I planned to ask someone else to keep the shirts until the kids were born. Or maybe I'd fool the evil spirits by saying that the shirts were for someone else...but would the spirits know I was secretly going to keep the shirts for my kids? (Again, isn't religious so irrational at times?)
I actually forget what convinced me to buy these shirts. Obviously the evil spirits never came. I lucked out and got two healthy sons who, I think, look adorable in these shirts. Once they grow out of them I guess Derek and I will have to take another trip to a fun location to buy more shirts. This time I'll feel safe to buy them.
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
Big News
As the day, weeks and months roll by I think about the posts that I missed. I meant to write a post about our first plane ride and how precious it was that Jeff fell asleep holding my hand. I've been meaning to write more about how excited the boys have been going to the park and exploring the outside world now that it's getting warmer out. I wanted to write a post about how Jeff has learned to use a blanket or a coat to cover his head and then he pops out so someone yells "peek-a-boo." I had hoped to write an entry about how Aaron loves to chase the cats around and now seems to sign "dog" for any animal he sees. I wanted to do these, but I didn't. I don't have time for any of these. Now that the boys are older I am more exhausted. They nap less. They take more of my energy. By the end of the day I don't have time to blog. (And for all of you other bloggers out there with toddlers don't think I haven't notice you all blogging less too!)
However, I did want to share the big news.
After several delays for no apparent reason except for the fact that it's an overworked and understaffed government, the state of Illinois has finally approved the adoption. Derek is now officially and legally a dad.
Has anything really changed? No. Derek has been a dad since the moment the boys were born. Still, it's good to know that it's legally recognized now because he deserves the recognition and the title of Dad!
However, I did want to share the big news.
After several delays for no apparent reason except for the fact that it's an overworked and understaffed government, the state of Illinois has finally approved the adoption. Derek is now officially and legally a dad.
Has anything really changed? No. Derek has been a dad since the moment the boys were born. Still, it's good to know that it's legally recognized now because he deserves the recognition and the title of Dad!
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