I'm a father now. Some days I still can't believe it. After years and years of wanting to be a dad, a few years of trying, stacks of bills for agencies, doctors and lawyers, and tons of tears from heartache and joy I finally have my dream -- and even a husband-to-be to boot. I have two beautiful children, Aaron and Jeffrey. I hope this blog will help me remember my time with my children. It goes so fast, doesn't it? I want to remember it and share this with my children. Hopefully, when they are old enough, they will appreciate this history of our lives together.
Fatherhood is a state of bliss 24/7, right? Because I love languages I had dreams of teaching my children English, Spanish and American Sign Language. I couldn't wait to read my favorite childhood books to them. I imagined myself looking into their eyes and watching them smile as they recognized my voice and face.
Well, I'm learning fatherhood isn't always exactly like I imagined it to be.
You see, my lovely children liked to stay up all night. Derek and I had to take turns staying awake almost 24/7 for a while. The babies would only sleep in our arms, not in any bassinet or car seat we had bought for them. One night I looked at the time on the microwave clock. It was 3:41AM, the exact time Jeff was born but one week later.. I was awake with two screaming children. I grabbed a can of Dr. Pepper for some caffeine thinking to myself, "I rarely drink soda and I can't remember the last time I was up at 3:41AM. How did this happen to me?" My life has definitely changed.
Every time I'm cranky from the lack of sleep or a little grossed out by the poop running down the leg I stop and think, "This is the only day I will ever have when they are exactly a week old" or "Enjoy today because they can't wear this cute frog outfit for much longer" or even something as silly as "This is the only first doctor's appointment I'll have with them." Watching them sleep is beautiful and makes my heart melt and the stress go away. I know that several years from now I'll long for the days of holding them in my arms while they sleep knowing that I can make them happy with a diaper change, a bottle and a warm embrace.
People have told me every age has pros and cons but they are all precious and special in their own way. I'm remembering that today - at this moment - when my children are not quite 12 days old. I'll never get to experience these last 11 days again so I have to enjoy each day as it comes. I am.
Plus, just nine days into their lives, they started to sleep in places besides our arms. Derek and I have figured out how they can sleep in their car seats, boppy pillows, a bouncy chair and more. Hmmm...maybe we're pretty good at this fatherhood thing and it will turn out to be exactly as I imagined it to be.